Eternal Love
by Simla
Summary: Sam and Emily's daughter is imprinted on. When she is injured it brings back memories of Emily's own attack and she takes her daughter and disappears. Will she end up making the ultimate sacrifice in order to save her daughter and give her a life without the pack?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

I squeezed my eyelids together, trying to keep the images of my dreams from fading. The dream had felt like a memory, even if I knew it wasn't. I could see the hazy images of a man, his tan muscular body hugging mine. His head covered in dark hair, his face always blank was a mystery to me. I wondered if it was my father. I have no real memories of him; just a few flashes of what I think are memories. My mom would often tell me stories about him, that he was strong, that I have his eyes, when I was young he would dance and twirl me around our living room, that like him I am quick to anger but easy to get along with. That like him I am a natural leader. Physically I guess it makes sense that I am a copy of my mother, both of us have the same sun-kissed skin, the same almond shaped eyes, the same long straight black hair. The only real noticeable difference is our scars. Hers mars the right side of her face trailing down her arm; mine are smaller, on my left shoulder and the base of my neck. Looking at her it is obvious that she was swiped by a bear, mine are more easily hid. She told me that I was attacked by a dog when I was a baby.

I've always been curious about where I was from, what my family was like. My mom would occasionally tell me stories. I wasn't always sure what it was that made my mom leave after my birth. Sometimes she was wistful, telling me of what it was like to grow up with all her cousins. I knew she had grown up on a reservation, but that it was painful for her to talk about. She spoke of my father often; I knew that she must have loved him dearly. I always believed that he had died, that was what had made my mother leave. I had no idea just how wrong that assumption was.

I came home from school, noticing a car in the drive I had never seen before. It was beautiful, a flashy silver color. I was pretty sure I didn't know the owner of it. Mom and I weren't poor, not really, but we were far from rich. I stepped into the house and was greeted by two of the most beautiful people I had ever seen. My mom quickly introduced them as Alice and Jasper, telling me that they were friends of hers from back when she was married to my dad. Alice and Jasper were both the palest looking people I had ever met. Alice was warm, kind, inviting. She spoke to me softly, telling me that she had known me when I was younger. Jasper, he was quite honestly almost frightening. Something about him put me at unease, the way he followed all my movements with his eyes, always watching me. Even in the heat of Oklahoma in May he still made my skin prickle with goose bumps.

I walked to my room, throwing my backpack in the corner, glad that in a week or two I would have finished my finals and be graduating. I hadn't decided what I was going to do next with my life. I had discussed college with my mom, but we both knew the money for that was beyond our reach. I had been secretly thinking about the military, something about the Navy, about being close to the sea appealed to me, but I was pretty certain my mom would not be as excited for that as I was. It wasn't something I gave a whole lot of thought too; I knew I would never be too far from my mom. I had watched the years take a toll on her, every year her body growing weaker and weaker. For now I was happy with my part-time job working at the local veterinary clinic. It gave me enough hours every week to buy the things that I needed, to even occasion give mom a few bucks to throw at the bills, and I knew after the summer if I wanted it could be a full-time position.

I walked back to the living room just in time to hear the tail-end of the conversation taking place there. I could hear Alice telling my mother that something, or someone was coming, that she had seen them leave. Jasper handed my mom an envelope, telling her that everything we needed was in there. I watched as Alice gave my mom a hug, wishing her the best and telling her that they would do their best to keep their visit a secret that she shouldn't tell them anything about where we were going.

I stood in the doorway, watching Alice and Jasper leave. I could only stare at my mom, wondering who they were and what they had wanted. "Why did they call you Emily?" I couldn't figure that out, my mom's name was Kristy, why had they called her something else?

My mom sat on the couch, patting the seat next to her. "Come sit down, we need to talk." My world crashed down around me that day. I learned why my mom really left, that she was afraid for me. My mom told me about my father, about his temper. That he had been the one to scar her, not just her face and her body, but her mind as well. She said that shortly after I was born one of his friends had made a claim on me, that if she hadn't left me with I would have been fated to the same life as hers. "It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, leaving your father. No matter what he had done, what we had been through I loved him, I still do. I had to take you away; I had to make sure you were safe." She told me how others in our tribe had looked the other way, how some had even encouraged these pairings, these pairings that the women had no control over. "I loved your father, I really did. Unfortunately the cost of his love was losing my best friend, my cousin Leah, losing that part of my family. It was a high price, one I was willing to pay. When you came along it was different. I was willing to sacrifice my life, my ability to make my own choices when it came to me; I wasn't willing to sacrifice your life, your ability to choose. I ran with you." I hugged my mother, her body wracked with sobs. "I did what I thought was best, I had to protect you." I didn't want to hear anymore, but she kept talking.

I listened to her describe how other women in the tribe had become paired with some of the men, how their will was overcome. I was disgusted listening to her describe how her niece, my cousin, was claimed at the age of two. I didn't care if it wasn't a sexual claim, that essentially her life was no longer under her control. I hugged her, already hating what she had taken me from. I was thankful that my life was my own.

She pulled the envelope off the coffee table, her eyes red and puffy. "My name isn't really Kristy; your name really isn't Hope. When we left I went to some people, they helped me run. Those are the names they chose for us." She reached in the envelope pulling out certificates and ID's, she grinned handing me my new information. Faith Brandon. I looked over at my mom's, she was now Lisa Brandon.

"What are our real names?" I wasn't really sure if I wanted to know, I had liked being Hope Whitlock, it was who I had always been.

"Your father and I named you Olivia." I swallowed, trying to picture myself as an Olivia. I couldn't, it didn't feel right. I asked about her name. "I was Emily before I was Kristy," she looked down, "I guess now I'm Lisa, Lisa Brandon." I was virtually speechless with how my mom was reacting to this. I had so many questions, so many things running through my head. My mom was just gathering all of our old info, taking her cards out of her wallet and replacing them with the new. It was like this was an everyday occurrence for her. How could she be taking this so well? I felt like I was in an episode of the twilight zone, or maybe somehow in witness protection. I couldn't believe my mom, my mom whose idea of a good time was spending a day in the kitchen baking, was taking this like it was nothing.

"Faith," I didn't look up, not realizing that she was talking to me at first. She laid a hand on my shoulder, "Faith, we need to pack, my friends said your father sent someone, they're on their way here now. We don't have a lot of time."

I'm sure she saw the shock on my face, the questions. "Where are we going? What are we doing?" I was still on the couch, still trying to process what she was telling me. I had always thought my parents had a good, loving marriage. I had thought my dad died shortly after I was born, that my mom had left because it was too painful for her to stay with all the memories. I looked at her anew, seeing the scars down her face, seeing her as a scared girl, the way she had been when she left with me. I stood, wrapping her in a hug. I couldn't stop myself, the tears came.

"It's alright, just hurry, pack a bag of what you need, everything else has to stay." I saw her glance at her watch then out the window. "Give me all your old ID, I'm sorry." She hugged me back then pulled away, "we need to hurry." I was numb; I still couldn't believe all this was going on. I wondered if I would be able to finish school, if I could call my friends. I ran my hand over my dresser, over my desk, trying to decide what to take. My mom stuck her head in my room, her eyes wide with panic when she saw me just sitting on the edge of my bed. I watched her, throwing some clothes into my backpack, her movements rushed.

"I know it's difficult and if there was any other way, I would never ask you to do this." I saw her take my wallet, pulling the ID out. She slipped in the new, saying that we would have to stop somewhere soon to add the pictures. She held out her hand, "I need your cell too." I was too numb to realize what she was doing, handing it over mechanically. I followed her out, watching as she threw it, hers, and all the paperwork that had our names on it in the fireplace, striking a match and smiling as it burned.

"Quickly, we only have a few more minutes until we have to leave!" I watched as she carried a few bags out to the car. She struggled with the weight, her face drawn and tight. I ran back to my room, finally the urgency getting through. I found what I was looking for, grabbing a notebook off the floor and scribbling a note. I left it on my bed, hoping that however my father sent found it and gave it to him.

I grabbed a few more things, mostly clothes and my old journal. I met my mom in the kitchen; she was stacking our photo albums on the table, adding them to the pile of other items she didn't want to leave behind. "Put this in the car, I'll be out right behind you."

I carried a load, buckling myself in the front seat as she ran out. As we drove away I watched in the mirror as the house got smaller and smaller. My mom squeezed my hand, "I'm so sorry." I watched her, the bruises under her eyes seeming to grow, her breathing ragged.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

I drove most of the night, having no idea what our destination was, just listening to my mom when she woke and told me what direction to go. We stopped in the morning, getting breakfast and waiting for a photo studio to open. My mom told them we needed passport photos taken. Once we had them my mom cut them, adding them to our new Driver's Licenses. I looked at our smiling faces, or rather the smiling faces of Faith and Lisa Brandon. "How did they pick these names?" My voice was low. My mom only shrugged, "I don't know, I didn't ask this time."

I wondered if that meant she knew how they picked our other names. "Who were they? How did you know them? How did they pick last time?" I knew I was asking a lot of questions as once, but I was still reeling from the adrenaline of last night, of drinking coffee nonstop as I drove.

I saw my mom pinch the bridge of her nose, the effects of traveling non-stop taking its effect on her. "Alice and Jasper were a kind of a friend of the family. Their family needed some help from our tribe, from the group your father leads. When I made the decision to leave I went to them for help." I could tell this was difficult for her, but I could also tell she was still be evasive, not giving me the complete story, only sharing what she thought was essential for me to know. "I knew they had the means to help me, to get a new identity not just for me, but for you too. They also helped me create a false trail for your father to follow. They helped me mislead your father, sending him to search Alaska and Canada when I had really traveled south with you. After a few years I moved again, wanting to settle somewhere with you that it would be easy to spot someone who didn't belong. We moved from Florida to Oklahoma." She paused, her tongue licking her lips. "Alice picked the name 'Hope' for you, knowing that's what you were for me, the reason I ran. That I wanted a different life for you, a different future. I don't know where Kristy came from, probably just a common enough name to let me hide. I don't know about our names now," she smiled, "But I think Faith is beautiful. I know they had to get the documents in a hurry, that's why we didn't have much time to pack. Alice saw them coming a day or two before she came, but wanted to have the resources in place for us to hide."

I was confused; Alice and Jasper with their almost white pale skin weren't Native and didn't act like they knew my father, how could they have known that his friends had found us? "How did they know we were about to be found?"

I saw my mom take her eyes off the road, looking at me quickly. "Alice sees the future." I couldn't help it, I laughed. Already in the past day I had learned that my dad was the leader of a group of men that were able to brainwash women into loving them, even against their will, that my father had hurt my mom, that I had been promised to one of his followers forcing my mother to flee with me, that I wasn't who I thought I was, and to top it off now we were being advised by a fortune telling seer. I began to wondering if maybe my mom had somehow gone off the deep-end, maybe she had some sort of mental break. I looked at her physical condition, scared that she was getting worse.

I looked at her, looking for a sign of her going mad. "Mom, are you alright? Maybe we should stop, get some sleep, and really think about what's going on." I didn't doubt that my mom believed what she was telling me, it was all just too fantastic to believe. I mean really, you couldn't get more ordinary than my mom and me. She finally pulled off the highway, checking us into a little motel with a great view of Iowa cornfields and the interstate.

As soon as she was asleep I went outside, running to the payphone I saw outside the registration office. I dug around in my pocket trying to find the correct change to make a call. I finally had to go inside, asking the clerk for change for a five. I dialed the familiar number, wondering if I was going to hear my mom's voice on the answering machine.

"Hello." I froze, the male voice that picked up was one I knew I had never heard, yet it was somehow familiar to me. "Hello, is someone there?"

I stammered, biting on my bottom lip. "Hello, who is this?" I could hear movement in the background, what sounded like someone covering the mouthpiece.

"Olivia? Emily? Is that you?" I could hear the desperation in the voice, searching.

"What do you want, why are you there?" Maybe my mom was right, maybe there were people after us, they knew our old names.

"We just want you to come home. Just come home. Is this Olivia? Do you know who I am?"

The voice on the other end of the call was quiet, pleading. "Who are you?" Something about his voice called out to me, the sound of his anguish compelled me to talk to him.

"I'm Embry, Embry Call. I've been looking for you everyday since your mom took you. Tell me where you are, your mom hasn't told you everything, hasn't told you the truth." His voice grew as he spoke, becoming more demanding.

"No, I can't tell you, I just want to be left alone, both of us do! Tell him, tell my dad to just leave us alone." I was pleading now, thinking of how I was going to have to save my mom.

"He loves you, he misses you. We all do you and your mom. Just tell me where you are." I heard the operators voice come on the line, telling me that my time was about to expire.

I knew I had just a minute left to speak, "WE don't miss his, we don't love him." I hung up. I ran back to our room, debating with myself. I wanted to wake my mom, to tell her that I had called, that I no longer doubted her. I wanted to let her sleep, to rest. She looked so pale, so tired. I didn't know what this was going to take out of her. Most of the time she was healthy looking, as long as you didn't look at her too closely. I've known for my entire life that she was ill, that she was sick. She tried to hide it, pushing herself to go on when I knew there were days that she would have been better off in bed. I had noticed it getting worse as I got older. It was like watching her age before my eyes. She was always pale, but that was hard to see, especially with her ever present tanned skin. Her eyes somehow lost their shine, the life going out of them. When she would talk about her home, the home she had before my birth the light would almost come back. I knew that it had cost her a lot to leave, to keep me safe. I wasn't sure how well she would do on the run. My decision made I curled up around her in the bed, even under the blankets she was cold. I wrapped myself around her, willing her to be strong.

I woke a few hours later, the room stifling to me, but my mom was still chilled. I quickly stripped, stepping into the shower. As the water ran over me I made another decision. I knew my mom wouldn't be able to handle being on the run, wouldn't survive running a second time. I hated myself for doing it, but I knew it was the only way to protect her.

I dialed the number again, my hands shaking. The same deep voice answered, accepting the charges. I knew I only had one question, and that I needed to be quick, that he could find out where I was in only a matter of minutes since I had called collect.

"Embry, right?" I was sure it was him, the way his voice sounded like warm honey.

"Olivia?" I could hear the surprise. "I found the letter you wrote, I didn't know. I'm sorry." I believed him, his voice caring.

"Where am I from? Where is my father?" I figured even if my mother wasn't strong enough to face him, wasn't strong enough to confront him I was. Maybe if I could just talk to him, just explain to him what he was doing to her he would stop.

"You mean you don't know? I thought, from your letter, I thought you knew." I could hear the confusion in his voice.

"I just need to talk to him, to explain to him that he's killing her. She won't survive being on the run." I could hear my voice breaking, I took a deep breath, not wanting to show this kind of vulnerability to a stranger, to someone I was convinced was a danger. "Is he with you?" Maybe he had come with them to look for us.

"No, he stayed behind, he couldn't come." His voice was suddenly stronger, more guarded. "I can come to where you are, talk to you, and explain things." I shook my head, knowing that I wasn't going to tell this guy, this Embry who worked for my father where I was.

"No, that's not possible. Tell me where I can find him." I was barely hanging on, trying not to break down, trying to figure out what I was going to do. All I wanted was to keep my mother safe, keep her healthy.

I heard him sigh, his voice resolved. "He's where he's always been, waiting for you to come home. He's in La Push. That's where your mom's cure is too." I bit down on my thumb, I had no idea where that was, I had never even heard that name before. I hung up the phone, more confused now than ever. I ran back to the room, waking my mom and helping her out to the car. I checked the contents of the envelope while she slept. My eyes about bugged out as I realized the lump in the envelope had been a wad of cash, a wad of one hundred dollar bills. I looked at her sleeping, wondering what she was involved with, who were her friends. I knew I had to put some distance between us and the motel. I wasn't sure if Embry would come here looking for us, but I didn't want to tempt fate.

I got back on the highway heading north. I was sure my mom didn't have a destination in mind, just driving to put the maximum distance between us and what had been our home. I drove until we were outside Des Moines, decided to start driving west. I had watched my mom make our driving decisions with the flip of a coin, cautioning me to not make any decisions until the last minute. At the time I had dismissed my mom's advice as just her paranoia, now I wasn't so sure. I squeezed her hand, startled by how cold it felt. I turned on the heater, shedding my sweater to use as a blanket on her. I was really worried; something had caused my mom to take a turn in the past twenty four hours. I felt her forehead, she felt like she was burning with fever even as her body shivered from cold. Her lips looked dried and cracked. I pulled over, trying to shake her awake, trying to force her to take a drink of water. Her eyes were sunken, dark shadows looked like bruises underneath them. I was frantic, searching her bag to see what I could find to help her. I crushed two aspirin, getting her to swallow them with a few sips of water. I begged her, to tell me what was wrong, to tell me how to help her. I wondered if I should take her to a hospital.

She just smiled slightly, telling me she knew it was her time that once I was safe she could let go. The smile stayed in place as she slept again, the word 'home' barely audible on her lips. I sat with my head on the steering wheel, crying in frustration. I turned to look at her, knowing what I had to do. I drove, pulling into the next gas station I found. I bought an Atlas, searching for a place called 'La Push.' I couldn't find it. I wanted to scream, to hurl the Atlas in the air. I knelt on the pavement next to my mom, putting the Atlas on her lap. "Please mom, tell me how to get there, how do I take you home?" Her eyes fluttered open, her mouth moving to the word Home, but not a sound came out.

Her voice was soft, the voice of a woman two or three times older than she, a creaking whisper. "No, it's not safe for you there, can't go back." I could see her eyes darting around, trying to see where we were.

I picked up her hand; bring it to my lips as I kissed her fingers. "I have to, it's the only way. I can't let you live like this, die like this." I was sobbing now. "They said if I brought you home you would be well." I felt her soften at my words. "I'll be ok; I just want you to get better. I love you so much; let me take care of you now." I leaned her back, she had already fallen asleep. Her lips moved silently, I could see her calling out my fathers' name, telling him to wait.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

I pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, hoping whoever answered on the other end would have answers. I had found it laying on top of the trashcan before we had left our home in Oklahoma, the worn paper that my mom had always kept tucked in her wallet. I dialed slowly, not sure who to expect. I kept my eyes on the car, on my mom who everyday was slipping further and further away. The phone just rang and rang. I dialed the operator, asking if she could tell me who the number belonged to. "That number is no longer in service, it's been disconnected." She refused to tell me who it had belonged to, before it had been disconnected.

"Wait, wait, one more question." I didn't want her to hang up yet, if she could tell me where I was calling at least I could start driving in the right direction. "Can you tell me where I'm calling?"

"This number is in La Push, Washington. Is there anything else I can help you with?" I thanked her, hanging up and going back to the car, searching the map for Washington. I groaned, realizing that it would take me days to get there. I looked over at my mom, hoping that she had that long. I jerked the car into drive, hoping, praying that she would make it.

I drove without sleep, stopping only for gas and food. I watched as my mom deterioriated, trying to force aspirin and water on her. When the salt-scented air filled the car in Oregon she stirred, I hoped it was a good sign. I rolled down my window, careful not to chill my mom, but wanted to take in giant lungfuls of the air. There was something familiar about, something that reassured me. When I pulled into Astoria, the last town in Oregon before crossing into Washington I saw the light in my mother's eyes returning. I was even able to get her to get out of the car, to stretch her legs, wash her face in the bathroom. I convinced her to sit at a picnic table with me, feeling like I was the adult and her the child as I ordered her a milkshake, hoping the dairy and the liquid would help her. I was encouraged when she got back in the car and sat up, looking around and while still not having a conversation with me at least answering my questions.

I asked her about her life, if she regretted leaving. She squeezed my hand, telling me no. I knew it was because she thought she had to, to protect me. I wanted to know what had happened, what made her fear for me so much when it was obvious that she still loved my father, still loved her tribe. After a few questions I knew she was tired. She settled back against the seat, pulling a blanket up over her arms. I blasted the heat again; thankful I had changed into shorts and a tank so the heat wouldn't be as bothersome.

I tried to think about what I knew, what she had told me. I knew she had left with me shortly after I was born. I knew she did it out of fear, fear that my dad who was some kind of leader of the young men on the reservation, had promised me to one of his followers. I wondered if he was some kind of cult leader, if I was some sort of arranged bride. I shook my head, that couldn't be right. My mom would have never fallen for some kind of whack-job like that. Then again, she did say she had to give up her family, there was a lot of turmoil between her and her cousin over my dad. Maybe he was. I could see the small smile that played on her lips; I knew she still loved him. In some ways her love made me angry. I could see the angry slashes on her face; I knew they covered her arm as well. How could she love someone who did that to her?

I wasn't sure what my plan was yet, I just knew the closer I got to La Push the more apprehensive I felt. Already I could feel the sweat prickling up on my body in anticipation of what awaited me. I pulled off the road outside a town called Forks, from the looks of the map it was the last town before I crossed into La Push. I filled the gas tank, picking up every brochure I could find.

I debated with myself, should I keep driving. I checked my watch, knowing that I would be arriving to La Push in the very early morning hours. I swung into the first hotel I came to, just past the gas station. I grinned, glad that my ID lied about my age. I registered for a room, parking the car behind the building, facing the woods, but not able to be seen from the road.

I woke my mom, assisting her into the room. She smiled as she looked around, breathing deeply. It was like the closer we got to La Push the stronger she got. All I wanted was sleep, I felt like I hadn't slept in day, and I hadn't. Mom must have gotten in the shower as I was carrying our bags into the room. I didn't want to sleep until I knew she was done, she might be looking better, even saying that she felt stronger, but I wanted to be ready, just in case she needed me. I sat at the table, looking over the pamphlet and brochures I got from the gas station.

Quileute. I looked at the brochure, at the faces looking back at me. I ran my fingers over the faces, finally realizing I was looking at my own reflection, at my own tribal heritage. My mom would never tell me what tribe we were from, probably because it would have made it easy to find out where we were from.

I was tired, but more than that I wanted answers. I waited until mom was out of the shower, covering her with a blanket. I was only physically tired; mentally my mind was still racing around at a hundred miles an hour. I showered, hoping that as I washed the miles off I would be able to relax. I walked into the room, the towel wrapped around me, the coolness of the shower forgotten by my skin once the heat of the room washed over me. I checked on her, the blankets still pulled up around her chin. I dug through a bag, grabbing a pair of knit shorts and a tank top, yanking them on before I walked outside. There was no way I would be able to sleep in there, not just because of the heat, but because my mind refused to quiet down.

I glanced around, looking for a place to sit. I looked up, the stars shining brightly overhead. I sensed something in the trees; it felt like there were eyes on me. I searched the woods, sure that I would see an owl or possible a possum. I shook my head not seeing anything, sure that my lack of sleep was catching up to me. I crossed the parking lot, sitting at the base of a tree in the corner of the lot. I leaned my head back, listening to all the night sounds.

I was still trying to wrap my head around everything that had happened over the past few days, the drive from home. I tried picturing the face of the voice that had answered the phone at my old house. Embry, a follower of my fathers. I couldn't believe that a stranger had been on my house, had gone through my mom and I's things. He had been in my bedroom, finding the letter I had left there for my father. I was glad now that my mom had removed all the pictures, either by packing them in the car or burning them in the fire place. I wasn't sure what to I was going to do now. A part of me wanted to leave, to leave my mother there; I knew she would be taken care of. I heard her speak often and fondly of her cousin, Leah. I think it was the love that they had, the love they shared for the same man that was the first step in my mother's journey of breaking free of this place.

I took a sip of my soda, debating what I should do. I finally pushed myself up, going in to the registration office. I asked the clerk for directions to La Push, asking if he had a phone book I could borrow. He eyed my critically, asking if I planned on driving to the rez right now. I nodded, telling him that I was just making a trial run for tomorrow, so I would know where I was going. He asked me who I was looking for. I didn't want to tell him I didn't know that I only had a first name. I quickly thought, remembering that when I had called my old house, the voice on the other end, Embry Call. "Embry Call's house, he was a friend of my mothers." I listened as he traced the route on the map, pointing out the street that was listed for his address.

After I thanked him I ran back to our room, hastily scribbling a note in case she woke up. I didn't want to tell her that I had gone to the reservation without her.

_Mom,_

_I couldn't sleep, decided to go for a drive. Don't worry, I'll be back soon. I love you, hope you're feeling better. I left your wallet under your pillow in case you felt like getting breakfast._

_Xoxo,_

_Hope_

I knew I should have signed it Faith, that was my new name, but I still felt like Hope, like who she had raised me as. I stopped at the gas station to grab a cup of coffee, the man at the hotel had told me it was only about a 20 minute drive, but I knew the adrenaline and stress would wear off soon leaving me exhausted. I felt it again when I got back in the car, like I was being watched. I glanced around; trying to tell where it was coming from, but I didn't see anything.

I found Embry's house easily enough, the reservation full of tiny weather beaten homes. I didn't see any lights on inside, he was most likely sleeping if he had made it back. He could still be at my old house for all I knew. It was almost eerie, seeing the place my mom had run from seventeen years ago. I wondered how much it had changed, if it had at all. I could really feel the wind off the ocean, wishing that I had worn pants and grabbed a jacket. I parked the car, the need to feel the sand and see the waves overpowering my desire to stay warm and dry in the car. I kept looking over my shoulder, both expecting and disappointed that there was no one behind me. I rolled my eyes at myself, the lack of sleep and the constantly being on high alert finally getting to me.

Behind me I could just start to see the sun was rising, the faint tint of purple creeping up over the trees. I knew I should leave, before people started waking, before I risked being seen. I had so many questions about this place, about what had happened. I took one final look out over the waves before turning and going back to the car. I was certain now that someone was watching me, not only did I feel it, but when I had suddenly turned I was sure I heard something. "I know you're there, you should just stop being a coward and come out." I hoped my voice sounded braver than I felt. I waited, frozen where I stood. I shook my head, maybe it was nothing, maybe I was hearing things. I took a few steps, going to the car. I hesitated before pulling the handle. Listening.

I got back to the room before my mom woke. I took the note, replacing it with another.

_Mom,_

_Hope you slept well and are feeling better. I wasn't able to fall asleep until the early morning. Wake me when you get up, we'll go to La Push TOGETHER. I love you, whatever it is, whatever awaits us I want us to face it together. Don't go without me._

_Xoxo,_

_Me_

I still wasn't ready to use my new name, but somehow the old one no longer felt right either. I tucked the car keys under my pillow, making sure that even I she wanted to do what I had done she would have to wake me to get them. I still couldn't believe that I had driven out there. I don't know what I had expected to find, what I was searching for. I covered her back up, using my hand to check her temperature. She felt cool to the touch, I took that as a good sign, at least her head was no longer burning. I kissed her forehead, grinning to myself as the reversal of roles.

My dreams left me unsettled, the dark images that I knew weren't memories, but felt that way. I could see a pair of dark eyes looking at me. These eyes were filled with the most warmth I'd ever seen, somehow I felt drawn to them, unable to look away. Suddenly the eyes were gone, replaced with the feeling on someone holding me, hugging me. I could hear a voice, a male voice. The voice was deep, with the same velvety softness that I heard in Embry's, but sterner somehow, more authoratative. The voice was mixed with my mother's voice, I could make out that they were arguing. I could hear her shouts, her pleas for him to not allow it, to 'take a stand, your family over your pack.' I watched his hand come down on the table, his eyes almost black. I woke up gasping for air, sweat pouring down my back. My mom was still asleep on the bed next to me. I grabbed a bottle of water, gulping it down. I knew my nightmare was more, it was a memory. I had always thought I was still a baby when we left, but maybe I had been older enough to remember their fights? I rolled over, grabbing a different pillow. As I controlled my breathing I tried to bring back up the images, the memory of that fight.

My mind took my somewhere else; I could remember standing on the beach, the feel of wet sand between my toes. I could tell someone was standing over me, holding both my hands with theirs. I couldn't see the face peering down at me; it was covered in shadows, the sun behind him. I could tell it was a boy, his shaggy hair visible against the sun, the hem of his swim trunks at my eye level. I could hear his voice, calling out to me. "Ollie, don't go too far." His voice faded, overcome by a new dream, a new memory. I could feel myself being carried, but when I looked down all I saw was gray fur clutched in my fist. At first I thought I was on a dog, a giant dog, but I came to realize it wasn't a dog at all, it was a large spotted wolf. Rather than be scared I felt safe, protected. Suddenly we were in a yard or a field, someplace open with grass. I was on the ground, crying. I watched as the wolf stood on his hind legs, standing almost as tall as a house in my young mind. He was growling, snarling, and I felt afraid.

I felt myself being grabbed, quickly tossed into the air. There were scratches on my shoulder and neck from where I had been grabbed. I landed on the back of the wolf, screaming and crying as he ran. In my dream I saw the eyes of the wolf merge with the eyes from my dream, they were the same eyes.

I woke to sunlight streaming into the room from behind the curtains. I rolled over expecting to see my mother still in bed. Her bed was empty. I listened, hoping to hear the shower. I threw back the sheet, realizing she wasn't in the room with me. I opened our room door, the car was gone. I threw back my head in disgust, slamming the door. I reached under my pillow where I had hid the keys, finding a note with my mother's neat tiny handwriting.

_Olivia,_

_I guess I should start using your real name now, unless you would prefer that I didn't. I know you'll be mad when you wake, but I hope to be back before that. I had to go, to talk to your father first. I hope you can understand that once everything is explained that you'll forgive me for taking you away, that you'll understand that I did what I did because I love you and I wanted you to be safe. I love you so much, so much that I was willing to give up everything for you. You were right to bring me back here; this is the place I can truly be healed, where I can truly be one again._

_Don't worry; even though I know you will, I'll explain everything when I see you. I love you more than you know._

_Mom_

Great, she left without me. I took a shower, washing the dreams and the night sweats away. I straightened the room, not knowing how much longer we planned to stay there. I went back to the office, asking if there were any restaurants within walking distance and paying for another two nights. I declined maid service, but carried a few towels up before walking down to the restaurant they pointed out to me. I sat and pulled out my journal, knowing that if my mom came back before I got there she would know to find me here. I surveyed the few others in the café. There was an older couple, probably getting an early dinner, a couple of high school kids, and while I had been looking around a single dark haired man who sat at the counter with his back to me. When the waitress came for my older I crossed my fingers, hoping they would still serve breakfast. I grinned, waiting for my omelet. I toyed with my coffee cup, flipping through my journal, trying to find some hint of when my life was still normal. I laughed, snorting out loud and blushing when I realized that I was in public, when I read some of my earlier entries. I didn't write in my journal often, I always meant to, but I was working on the same journal now that I had when I was five. It was navy blue, leather, embossed with a smiling sun, one that I had begged for. I guess we had lived in Florida then, I could remember it being sunny a lot and hot. I had been mad at my mom, mad that she had taken away 'my Emmy.' Funny, but now I couldn't even remember having a toy named Emmy. I flipped a few pages, finding a crude crayon drawing of a dog; I shrugged maybe that was it?

I slid my hands back as the waitress set a plate down in front on me. "Two eggs, extra cheese with mushrooms, black olives, bacon, and a side of onions and tomatoes. No potatoes and extra toast, toast extra lightly toasted. Anything else?" I smiled up at her, I knew my order was sometimes a pain, but that was my favorite breakfast. Something about it was very comforting to me, even if I usually ended up picking the onions out of it. I shook my head, but she spoke again. "Today's been the first time I've ever had two people order that exact plate." I looked at her, as she gestured with her head to the man at the counter.

I stood, wondering who else would order the same combination of food that I did. I saw him spin around, face to face with the same chocolate brown eyes from my dream, the same eyes of the wolf that attacked me in my sleep.

I slumped down on the bench as he stepped towards me, the waitress looking between us before moving on. He slid in across from me, a small smile playing on his lips. "Olivia" I bit down hard on my lower lip, shaking my head. I wasn't her; I wasn't who he thought I was.

I raised my eyes, looking at him face to face. I cleared my throat, sounding braver than I was. "I'm Faith; you must have me confused with someone else." I took a drink from the water glass, trying to clear the cotton ball that had taken up residence in my throat.

I saw the laughter in his eyes, "OK, Faith" he grinned at the word, "no matter what you're calling yourself I know who you are, why you came back." Something about him compelled me to stay in my seat, to listen to him. I cocked my head to the side, something about him was so familiar to me, something that both frightened and comforted me. I stabbed at my eggs, taking a forkful and popping it into my mouth.

He nodded at me, "Well if you're not going to talk, then maybe you'll listen." The waitress came out of the kitchen, his identical plate in her hand. He motioned for her to deliver it to the table we now shared. I could hear the humor in his voice, "so you still order it with onions even though you don't like raw ones?" I looked down, realizing that I had stacked the onions in a pile. I picked up a forkful, shoving it into my mouth. I didn't like raw onions, but I wasn't going to let some stranger be right. I chewed, choking them down with a drink from my coffee cup.

He kept laughing, "I was the one who first started taking you to breakfast, who showed you how to order." He stopped laughing, his eyes serious as they met mine. "Do you remember me at all? I know you were young, but we were so close, we used to hang out a lot." I shook my head, the more I looked at him the more familiar he seemed, and I had been wrong when I first saw him. His eyes weren't quite the same shade of brown as the ones from my dreams. His eyes were lighter, almost hazel. Nowhere near the same shade as the wolf eyes that haunted me.

"I'm sorry; I don't know who you are. You must have me confused with someone else." I tried to look annoyed that he was there, but I wasn't. I was more curious than anything, wondering what secret he knew.

"I'm Seth; I guess we're like second cousins." He grinned, his teeth bright against his ruddy skin.

I covered my mouth, talking before I could think. "Is Leah your sister?"

I saw his brow knit into a puzzled expression, "Yes, how do you know her?" I reached out, startling him as I grabbed his arm. I knew if I could find Leah, the way my mom talked about her, how close they were, my mom describing Leah as being like a sister to her, that I could find some answers.

I pulled at his arm, excitement in my voice. "Could you take me to meet her? Please." I saw the confusion on his face, the sudden shift in my mood causing him to move cautiously.

"Do you know her? Have you been in contact with her?" His voice had dropped slightly, almost with a hint of anger behind his words. "Has she been helping you?" With his final question it finally sank in that his mood had shifted, he was no longer smiling, no longer a teasing tone in his voice. His voice was sharper, his words dripping with distain.

"She's your sister though, right?" I licked my lips, "Does she still live around here?" I realized my mom had taken the car, that if I was going to meet with Leah I would have to convince Seth to take me there. "No, I haven't met her, all I know about her are just stories that I've heard." There, hopefully whatever conclusion he had jumped to earlier was quashed.

"She moved away shortly after you and your mom" he trailed off, grinning at me again, "She moved shortly after Emily and Olivia Uley left." I breathed in; 'Uley' was that what my last name had been?

"Sam Uley" the name was just a whisper; I had to say it out loud, just to hear what it sounded like. "Olivia Uley" I saw the puzzled look on Seth's face as I tasted these new names. To my knowledge that was the first time I had ever spoken my father's name, the first time I had spoken the name given to me.

I looked down at my half-finished plate, no longer hungry. I stood, casting a look over my shoulder as I made my way to the cashier. I saw him shoveling the rest of his plate in his mouth as I asked the waitress to combine the checks, paying for them both. "Come on, let's go." I gestured to the door with my head as I replaced my wallet in my backpack next to my journal.

I scanned the parking lot, not seeing any different cars than when I walked in. "Which one is yours?" I saw him shrug, "I didn't drive." I exhaled loudly, realizing that in his t shirt and sweat shorts he had probably ran there. That was until I looked down and saw his bare feet. "How do you run without shoes?"

He laughed, "I run through the woods, if our ancestors could do it barefoot so can I." I looked around, trying to find a place that we could talk, but not wanting to take him to the hotel. He saw me looking, figuring out what I was looking for he threw his arm over my shoulders steering me into the woods that ran behind the hotel. If it had been anyone else I would have run screaming in the other direction, but something about him made me feel like it was safe, that I was ok walking into the woods with someone who was a complete stranger to me, even if I was certain of his truthfulness when he said he was my cousin.

We didn't walk more than a few yards in from the tree line, the dark coolness of the woods overtaking us. He pointed out a fallen tree, laid out like it had been pushed down on purpose to provide hikers a bench. I walked toward it; he said he would be right back, running off saying that he had to answer natures call. I sat, putting my feet up on the log as I leaned against the truck of another. I shivered involuntarily when I heard a howl, it sounded so close. I exhaled nosily when I saw Seth return, not even having realized that I had been holding my breath.

I could see that Seth wasn't going to ask the first question, he just sat, still smiling at me. I took a breath, steadying my nerves. "What do you remember about me? About my mom?" There was so much I wanted to know, to ask. I saw him open his mouth, closing it before he spoke. He grimaced, and then smiled asking his own question.

"What do you remember about when you lived here?"

I shrugged, I wasn't sure that I remembered anything about here. "Not much, not anything really. I just learned today where my love of weird omelets comes from." I saw him return my smile. "I grew up in Oklahoma, until just a few days ago I didn't even know I was from Washington, let alone anything about La Push." I suddenly froze; I could feel something else in the woods with us. I darted my head around, looking for the source.

I could feel Seth watching me, "What are you doing, what are you looking for?"

The forest had gone quiet, not even the birds were making noises anymore. "Can't you feel it?" My head swiveled around again, "I've been noticing it since last night when I got here, almost like something is watching." I saw Seth's face, it was unreadable. I rubbed my palms against my arms; something in the woods was giving me an uneasy feeling, like something was watching its prey. I shrugged; maybe it was nothing if Seth wasn't aware of it. "Maybe it's just me, just jumpy from driving."

"So, you were saying before, that you don't remember anything about living here?"

I shook my head, "I don't even know how old I was when I left, I had thought I was just a baby, but after last night, I'm not so sure anymore."

Seth raised an eyebrow, "What happened last night?"

I ducked my head, I wasn't sure why I was sharing all this with him, but I was thankful to finally have someone to talk to, someone who could either explain or at least understand all the weirdness. I chewed my bottom lip, decided where to start. "I drove out to La Push last night; I was trying to find a house that belonged to Embry Call." I saw his eyes widen.

"Do you remember him?" I shook my head. Seth continued, "Then why were you looking for his house?"

"He was the only person whose name I could remember. My father must have sent him to search our old house when he found out where it was I called him. He told me his full name when he answered the phone, because I had his last name I looked him up in the phone book, driving out to the reservation to see if it would jog any memories." I chewed at my thumb nail. "I thought for a second that I remembered the house, but I don't think I do, I think that because all the houses look so much alike it was just a blur of something else." I looked at Seth; he was sitting cross legged, just watching me as I spoke. "The only thing I think is a memory is walking on the beach with someone, at first I thought it was my father, but I don't think it's him. In the memory he's got really kind playful eyes, he's just looking at me like I'm all that matters in the world, but then the memory changes." I stopped, wiping at a tear that threatened to spill over. "I must be riding on his shoulders, because in my dream, in the memory I'm clutching giant handfuls of gray hair." I stopped, realizing that if I told Seth that in my dream this man, who was probably just some kind of uncle turned into a wolf that attacked me he would think I was crazy. I let my voice falter, not wanting to finish telling him the dream.

Seth kept his voice low, his face still pointed at me, but his eyes darting off to the sides. "What happens next? Is it a dream or a memory?" He reached his hand out, covering mine with it. "You can tell me, whatever it is."

I chewed my bottom lip again, "It must be just a dream, it's like he changed, one minute he was a person, walking and playing with me on the beach, the next minute I'm riding a giant hairy dog-horse-wolf through the forest, laughing and pulling on his fur. In my dream I can vividly remember curling my fingers around it; it was grey with soft black spots." My voice had grown wistful at the memory; I could feel the smile on my lips. "Out of nowhere the beast stops running, in my dream I don't see anything, but I feel that something has changed. I can feel the animal I'm riding quiver, his body shaking, his fur bristling underneath me. He rears back, knocking me to the ground. I can feel his teeth on me; they scratch me as he tosses me into a bush." I draw my legs up to my chest, sliding my hand out from under his and resting my chin on my hands on my knees. "I can just hear this horrible snarling, this horrible fighting sound. The next instant I'm being scratched again, both by his claws and his teeth. He throws me into the air, knocking me onto his back. Then it's like I'm flying." I looked at Seth, sure that he was going to start laughing. Only his face was serious, his lips pulled tight. "I think my mom and I left after that, in my dream, my memory I think my mom and dad had a fight," I pulled back, looking at Seth, hoping that he would answer me.

"Seth, is my dad a cult leader or something like that? Some kind of leader of people?"

I saw Seth swallow, obviously surprised by my question. "Why do you ask?"

I shrugged, "I think the argument my parents had, the only before my mom and I left was over it. I think I remember my mom asked him to put us first, his family before his followers. Or something like that." I shook my head, my hatred of my father growing, "Who does that, puts their family behind other people? What kind of person can he be?" I tried to see the hotel, to see if my mom had returned yet.

Seth saw me looking, "She's still out at the rez, she went to see Sam."

I looked at him in shock, how did he know where she had gone, where she still was, he had been with me for the past few hours. "How do you know that?"

I saw the surprise on his face, "Just a lucky guess, but I'm sure I'm right."

"What's he like?"

I saw Seth swallow, "What's who like?"

"My father, what is he like?" Who else did he think I meant?

I could tell it was a hard question for him, the way he would start to say something and stop mid-sentence, the way he would start to tell a story about him and trail off. Finally he just said that I would eventually find out on my own, that I would go out and see him.

I crossed my arms, "He knows where I'm staying, he could come here." I wasn't sure that was really what I wanted, if I was ready to see him yet. I just hated the assumption that I was going to go to him.

"I don't think" he stopped, "Sam is" he stopped again, swallowing, "it would be eas..." I watched Seth's face; it was like he was getting choked as he talked. "You should see him; you should come with me and see him."

I saw him squint towards the hotel, hopping down off the tree trunk. "Why don't you come with me, I think I can explain." It took a minute for my eyes to adjust to the sun when we came out of the trees, but I could see that the car was back at the hotel. I took off running, hoping to find my mom back in our room. I opened the door with a bang, but she was nowhere to be seen. I searched the bathroom, coming out of the room and not seeing Seth I looked in the registration office, but it was empty as well. I went back to the room; perhaps I had missed her somehow?

I felt Seth come up behind me, putting a hand on my shoulder. "She's still on the rez, spending time with Sam, one of the guys brought the car up so you could go down." I looked behind him, seeing a serious faced guy about my age standing there. "That's Connor; he drove, if you don't mind he'll ride back with us." I could feel the panic rising up in my stomach, both these guys looked like the wolf-man from my dream; maybe my father was the leader of a cult. They had the same short ink black hair, the same dark looking eyes, the same cut off shorts and t shirts. Even their body posture was the same; both looked like they could spring into a sprint at any moment. I wasn't sure what to do, I tried to think quickly. I looked down; Connor had left the keys in the ignition. I wondered if I would be able to get in the car, lock the doors and leave before they reached the car. I sized them up, they both looked athletic, that wouldn't work. "Sure, let me just grab a few things from my room first, why don't you two come in with me." I tried to behave naturally, to not tip them off that I was planning anything. I handed Seth who was closest my room key, "would you mind, sometimes the lock sticks and I have trouble getting it open." As soon as I saw him slide the key in, Connor next to him, I turned, running to the car and slamming the lock down as the door shut. The ignition turned as they did, realizing that I was no longer coming up behind them. I jammed the car in gear as they took a few steps towards me, covering them with dust as I sped out of the parking lot. I saw them yelling at each other in the rearview before running off towards the woods.

I was breathing fast, not sure what I had just done. I had trusted Seth, even oddly enough I felt like I could trust Connor, but there was still something slightly dangerous feeling about them, something I couldn't put my finger on. I jammed the gas pedal, speeding towards La Push, I knew the only way my mom wouldn't have come back from me was if something had happened. I envisioned my father keeping her against her will, that he had somehow hurt her again. I never expected what I found.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

As I drove towards La Push I realized with a start that I had left two followers of my father's alone with my hotel room key. I shivered, hoping that I could find a pay phone in the rez to call the desk and have the hotel reset the electronic locks. I wasn't sure how to find the home of Sam Uley, maybe if I could find a payphone there would be a phone book and he would be listed. If it had worked to find Embry's house I hoped it would work to find Sam's. I followed the signs as I drove onto the reservation, hoping that if I found the tribal lodge there would be something else nearby. I shouted 'Hallelujah' from my seat when the lodge came into view; the tribal police department was right next to it. I wondered why I hadn't thought of it sooner, if Sam was the leader of these young men, then someone on the reservation had to know what was going on. I stopped at the payphone, ripping out the only page that had the letter U listed.

I walked into the station, trying to think of what I wanted to say, what I could tell them without giving too much away. I grinned; thankful for my mom's friends and the new ID I carried. I repeated the name in my head, Faith Brandon, Faith Brandon. The name a mantra to getting my mother out of there and both of us a long way away.

"Can I help you miss? First beach is that way a few miles." I smiled at the friendly officer, maybe since he thought I was lost I could just ask him for directions, if Sam didn't let my mom go then I could always come back for his help.

"Yes sir, I'm a bit lost, I'm looking for directions to a friend's house." I took the telephone book page out of my pocket, smoothing it out on the counter as I searched for the name Uley. Thankfully there was only one listed. "This address right here" I pointed with my finger. I saw the startled look on his face when he read the name, the address.

"What did you day your name was again miss?" I chewed my bottom lip, I knew he was fishing for information, but he hadn't answered my question yet. I decided to answer, hoping that if I gave him some info he would share some with me.

"It's Faith officer." I looked at his name tag, Quil Ateara, III. I looked back down at the counter between us, smoothing the page again. "So, if it's not too much trouble," I looked down meaningfully at the paper.

I saw him look down, his face indecisive. "How do you know Mr. Uley?" Just great, a cop who was going to ask twenty questions.

"I don't; not really, he's an old family friend. I figured since I was in town I would surprise him with a visit." I didn't look up when I spoke, not wanting him to see the lie in my eyes. I heard a phone ring in the backroom, my eyes moving slightly to the side when I heard it. I suddenly felt my blood turn to ice water. Upside down I could read the name on a piece of paper; Embry Call was the Chief of the department. I took a step back, my hand shaking as I grabbed the page from the phonebook. I realized for the first time what the officer in front of my looked like, the same short hair, the same dark eyes. "Never mind, I'm sure I can find it, thank you for your help." My words were rushed, I knew if he wasn't already following me that he would be making a call, letting Sam and his henchmen know that I was there.

I ran to my car, thankful the trusty civic hadn't let me down yet. I was breathing hard, trying to decide my next step. I put the car in reverse, hoping that if I saw something familiar it would lead me in the right direction. I was trying to follow instinct, hoping that some part of me remembered living here, remembered where I had lived then. I turned a corner, almost getting sideswiped by a moving truck. I shook my head, wondering who would be moving here, especially after all my mom did to get us out of here.

I drove past the house five or six times, not sure it was the right one. I parked the car, deciding that even if I was wrong the worst that would happen would be someone answering the door and telling me Sam didn't live there, heck they might even give me direction to his house. I pulled the page from my pocket, I knew I was on the correct street, but I couldn't find house numbers on any of the houses.

I knocked and knocked and knocked. No answer. I looked around, hoping that no one had called the police as I walked around the house, hoping that maybe someone was sitting out back. I had tried the front door, it was locked. I tried the back door, it was open. I hesitated, not knowing what to do. If it was Sam's house then I wanted to go in, to find my mom and get the hell out of there. If it wasn't Sam's house I didn't want to be arrested by the very men who followed him. I called inside, "Hello, is anyone there, is anybody home?" I waited, listening, still no answer. I crept in quietly, trying not to make any noises.

I could hear some moaning, some quiet muffled sounds coming from a hallway off the dining room. I followed the noises, opening the door slowly. I saw his face, the face of my father. As soon as I saw him I recognized him, memories flooded my head, images of him lifting me into the air, of riding on his shoulders, of him reading me stories and tucking me in at night. He was lying in bed, so pale he looked white. His face with the same dark bruised around his eyes as my mom's. I saw her, sitting in a chair next to him, her hand reaching out to his but not touching. She was asleep, both of them with labored breathing. If I didn't know how old they were I would have thought them both elderly, both at the end of their lives. A gasp caught in my throat, seeing them like that, both of them reaching out for the other but not quite connecting. I pushed the hair off my father's forehead, some part of me needing to touch him. He burned with the same fire I had felt on my mom. I watched with my heart in my throat as she shivered even under a blanket. I did the only thing I thought was right, I pulled his covers back, lying her down beside him, putting their hands in each other's.

I couldn't bear to see the both of them like that, I backed out of his room, covering my mouth to choke off the sobs I could feel building. When I was sure they couldn't hear I allowed myself to break down, wave after wave of grief and regret washing over me. I looked around his house, a few things striking a chord, a forgotten memory, but mostly it was the house of a stranger. I couldn't bear to go upstairs, to see what had become of my bedroom. I checked in on them once more, holding a glass with a straw to my mother's lips, willing her to drink. She didn't. I knew as I watched her that I was somehow watching her die. I wanted to scream, to yell. I had so many questions, so many things I wanted to ask. My mother didn't deserve this, didn't deserve to be like this. I wasn't sure about my father, but if my mom could find it in herself to come back, to forgive him maybe I should too.

I went to his bathroom, finding a basin and a towel. I washed both their faces, dripping water on both their lips. I kissed them both, telling them that I had something I had to do, someone I had to see, but I would be back. I passed a car as I drove away, watching in the rearview as a woman parked and started walking towards the house. I wondered if he had a nurse, a caretaker that came. I wondered for a minute if I should turn around; explain who I was, why my mother was there. I pulled over, waiting to see if she came out, when she didn't I kept going. I sorted through the junk piling up on the passenger seat, finding what I was looking for. I pulled into the house I knew belonged to Embry Call.

I parked, squaring my shoulders as I knocked on his door. I almost ran when he answered the door. These were the eyes of my memories, of my dreams, and also of my nightmares. I could scarcely breathe.

His voice was warm, soft. "Welcome home Ollie." He stepped aside, allowing me to enter. I moved like I was on autopilot. I could only stare at him, at the melted pools of milk chocolate that were his eyes. His shoulders almost filling the doorway, but with a slight stoop. His eyes were still young, but there was a definite age to him, to his movements. "I'm sure you have a few questions, why don't you take a seat." He gently pointed me in the direction of his couch, careful to only touch me with the absolute necessary force required. I quickly sobered, pulling my shoulders out from under his touch. I heard him chuckle behind me, softly.

I moved to the couch, careful to sit on the side nearest the door, and furthest from any other seating. He came around, holding up his hands in a surrender position. "You must know you're safe here, that nothing is going to happen to you." I shook my head, chewing on my nonexistent thumb nail. If I wasn't careful it was going to start to bleed.

I took a breath, wishing for a second as the heady scent of woods and sea-spray filled my lungs that I hadn't. The scent of his house, of him momentarily overwhelmed me. Something about it was familiar, almost nostalgic. I steadied my breathing, looking up at him through my eyelashes, not quite ready to make eye contact. "What's wrong with him?" I knew he would know who I meant.

I watched his shoulders shrug, "We don't know, he's been slowly going downhill ever since you and your mom left." He looked down, like he wanted to say more but was stopping himself. "I think without your mom here, without his family he just gave up. He never stopped looking; going all over if he thought it would bring you closer. The past year has been the worst." Embry stopped talking, his eyes searching me. I refused to lift my head, to look at his face. His eyes were like daggers straight to my heart, I could see the pain that was in them, I could feel the pain he carried.

"What happened this year, what made it worse?" I wasn't sure I really wanted to know.

"He thought he had found you. There was a team sent, someone had given him a tip that you and your mom were in Oklahoma, he just didn't know where." I looked over at him, watching him as he struggled for words. "I started on the west, just going from town to town, north to south traveling east. I knew if you were in the state anywhere I would find you. Even after the others had given up the search I kept looking. I had to." His voice dropped to barely a whisper, "I had to, for both of us."

"And now? Now that we're back, will he get better? My mom?" My voice cracked, was she dying of a broken heart too? "Is that what's wrong with my mom too?" I wiped at the tears that were threatening to spill. I couldn't cry now, I wouldn't break down in front of this guy. I didn't know him; I didn't know why he had tried so hard to find us, what he wanted with us.

He reached out to the space between us, his hand on the cushion. He closed his eyes, "I hope so, I hope bringing them back together with heal them both." He opened his eyes, turning his head to face me, "They are each other's other half, the part that completes the other. Now that they're whole again maybe they can heal." I saw a small smile on his lips, his face relaxing slightly. "Hopefully we can all heal now."

I reached out, brushing my fingertips across his outstretched hand, jerking them away quickly when they made contact and I felt the sting of heat and a shock pass between them. "Oh!" I blushed, but not sure why. I had come here, come to Embry's house to find out answers, to demand that he fill in so many of the gaps I had in my history. Being near him, feeling so warm and relaxed in his home made me want to forget all that. I sat up, resolute in my efforts to unravel my history.

"I'm going to go back to Sam's, to check on him and my mom. Would you mind coming with me?" I wasn't sure why I wanted him to come along; a part of me justified it by reasoning that if the caretaker was still there I didn't want to frighten her, didn't want to scare her. I also wanted someone there in case he woke before my mom did. I wasn't sure what my reaction to him would be. The more I learned the more empathy I felt for him, the more I wanted to know him. I wasn't sure how that played in to everything that I knew of him from my mom, of what he had done to her. I also wanted to spend time with Embry, to unravel the mystery that surrounded him. Why did I see his face in my dreams, his eyes in my nightmares?

Embry got off the couch, reaching down and offering his hand to me. I rolled my eyes, getting up without his help. I saw him grin, talking over his shoulder as he walked to the kitchen. "Just let me make a quick phone call, let someone know what's going on. Can I get you anything while I'm in here?"

I snorted, "If you're calling your look-outs, Seth or Connor don't bother, it's a long walk home from the hotel." I saw the puzzled look on his face. I shrugged, "I left them at the hotel, for spies of either you or my father they're not very good."

I saw his eyes sparkle, his hand covering his mouth as he softly laughed. His laughter touched me in the deepest pit of my stomach, the sound spreading warmth throughout my body. I felt my face flush as I turned around, not wanting him to see the reaction he caused me. I started walking towards the door, the sudden desire to be outside, to breathe unrestricted air overpowering me. My emotions were a rollercoaster as I leaned over the porch railing, gulping in the salty air. The sudden changes in emotions had left me breathless. I felt gentle hands on my back, Embry had followed me out. I turned, his face showed his worry.

"Are you alright? Are you ok?"

I felt all my emotions of the past few days swirl around me, the heat of where he touched me penetrating to my core, the overwhelming feeling of him being so close to me. I wanted to open my mouth, to tell him I was fine. I couldn't get my eyes to focus, the edges of my vision blurring until everything was suddenly dark.

I felt two strong arms around me, my side pressed into his warm chest. His sweet breathe on my hair, his words whispering to me, but I couldn't understand him at first. "Ollie, are you alright?" His voice was soft, but the tone was tinged with panic.

I mumbled trying to tell him I was fine, that he should put me down. I slowly opened my eyes, realizing that he had me on his lap, his worried eyes looking at me. My voice was halting, still trying to remember what had happened. "I'm fine, what, what happened?" I knew I should get up, get off him, but something kept me there. His arms around me, his warmth encompassing me, I felt safe, warm, protected. I wanted to close my eyes and never leave that spot.

I saw his face relax when I spoke, his body almost sagging with relief. "You fainted. Are you sure you're alright?"

I jumped out of his arms, a little unsteady on my feet at first, but refusing to allow him to help me. "I'm fine!" I stalked out of his house for the second time, determined not to show weakness in front of him. I slid behind the driver's seat not waiting for him to follow. I glanced up quickly before putting the civic in gear. I heard a tapping on my window before I put my foot on the gas pedal; Embry's face was smiling down at me.

"Planning on leaving me behind too?" I rolled my eyes, shrugging as I waited for him to get in beside me. I quickly moved all the papers and maps off the seat, a part of me still trying to hide things from him.

"Seatbelt?" I looked over at him, his large body cramped into the tiny passenger compartment. He reached over, tugging the seatbelt over him. "Aren't you a cop? Seatbelts are the law you know."

He was silent the short drive to Sam's house, for that I was grateful. I wasn't sure what I would find when I walked through the doors. I wasn't sure what condition I would find my parents in.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

The house was quiet, Embry introduced me to the woman who was looking after and taking care of Sam. Kim was a nice woman, her round face shone with caring and concern. She asked if I remembered her, she had been a friend of my mother's before we left. I could only shake my head. I saw the disappointment on her face. She spoke softly with Embry, telling him that she would be back after dinner, to settle Sam and my mom for the night.

When I went in to check on them I could see no real changes. I sat on the edge of the bed closest to my mom, holding her hand and telling her that I loved her. I couldn't help but notice her other hand, her fingers intertwined with Sam's. When I looked at him, looked past his illness I could see parts of myself. I wished I had memories of him, memories that I was sure of. I thought, hopefully that they were doing better. I could see a partial glass on either side of the bed; I hoped that it meant they had both been drinking. I held the straw to mom my lips, breathing a sigh of relief when she took a small sip. I bent down, kissing her forehead before sitting with Sam. As hard as I tried it was difficult for me to think of him as 'dad.' For my entire life I had believed that he was dead, that he was the reason my mom had left. I held the glass for him, smiling when he drank, noticing that he and I both shared the same small clefts in our chins.

"How are they?" His voice almost startled me, the loudness after being so silent in Sam's bedroom. I looked over; Embry was sitting at the kitchen table.

I shrugged, "I'm not sure, but I think they might be improving?" I was hopeful, hoping they would recover, that they would be able to answer my questions. I wasn't sure what I expected.

"I just made a fresh pot," he gestured to the coffee maker on the counter. Standing he grabbed a mug from the cupboard, "can I get you a cup?" I nodded as I sat across from him.

I wrapped my hands around the warm mug, my head moving around the large kitchen, trying to force memories that I wasn't sure I had.

"You used to stand on one of the chairs, helping your mom cook." Embry answered my unasked questions, knowing I'm sure that I was curious about what I had been like when I lived there, what the house had been like. "Sometimes you would play hide and go seek, hiding under the table, the tablecloth covering you from sight." Embry leaned back, his voice growing wistful. "When you first left no body could believe it. We searched everywhere for you. We thought maybe your mom had just gotten homesick, had taken you to visit her people north of here. We even thought for a while that she had taken you to Canada."

I sat back, bringing the mug to my lips. I didn't want to interrupt, the more he talked the more questions he answered. His voice lowered, his lips wavered. "I thought I was going to go insane when I found out she had left, that she had taken you away. We did everything we could, talked to everyone we knew, searching for you, trying to find you. I went everywhere, even asking help from people I didn't want to." His face changed a look of distaste on it. He sat up again, looking at me. "Do you remember living here? Does being here bring back any memories?"

I looked around, some things seemed familiar, but I wasn't sure. "How old was I when we left?" Even though my mom had told me we left when I was a baby I wasn't too sure about that. I was certain that as a baby I wouldn't remember anything, but certain things I did.

"It was just after your third birthday." His voice broke; he turned his head, refusing to meet my eyes. "There was an accident, you got hurt. I think it frightened your mom."

I nodded my head, my hands unconsciously going to my shoulders, rubbing the scars that were still visible. "She told me I had been attacked by a dog, that I was playing with some older kids and one of the dogs just snapped, attacking me."

He inhaled sharply, pain on his face. "No, it wasn't like that, it was an accident, I," his voice faltered, "there was danger, he was just trying to protect you, move you out of harm's way."

I shrugged, "Between the bears and the dogs attacking people, I can see why my mom thought this was a dangerous place." Not to mention the whole cult aspect of things, the way my mom said they boys of the reservation followed my father, the promise of children to men. It sickened me.

I looked around again, this time getting out of my seat. Something caught my eye in the living room, a stereo in the corner. I flipped through the stack of CD's, hoping to find the one I was looking for. I grinned, maybe it was a memory. I could feel Embry coming in the room behind me, staying back as I fumbled getting the CD loaded. As soon as I hit play the memory was real. I sat on the couch, smiling as the song washed over me. "I think, I think I remember hearing this." I could see Embry watching me, smiling as I swayed slightly. "Do you know if I'm right? Did I listen to this when I lived here?"

Embry shook his head yes, "You and your dad used to dance to it; he would sing it to you all the time." I settled on the couch, closing my eyes until the song ended. I smiled over at him, wondering how he fit into the memories of my time in La Push.

"So, who are you? Are you an uncle? A follower of my fathers? Family friend?" I looked at him closely, even though he may have looked older when I first met him I could see that he wasn't that much older than I was. "Where you a friend of mine when I lived here?"

I could see him struggling with is answer, "I'm all of that, but not the way you think." He stopped; I could tell he was thinking, trying to find the right words for what he was trying to say. "Your dad doesn't lead a cult, it's nothing like that. He's" his voice paused, searching again for the right words. "Your dad is a leader, he's on the tribal council, he helps certain young members of the tribe reach their full potential." He seemed satisfied with his explanation.

"What does that mean? He's a youth counselor? If it's all so innocent why did my mom run away, why did she tell me about all the weird stuff, about how young girls were promised to his followers?" I swallowed, not sure I wanted to say it or not. "Even his daughter?" My voice was barely audible, the more I was learning the more I questioned what my mother had told me, the more questions I had.

Embry stood, pacing. "No! It's not the way it sounds. We weren't taking children, weren't forcing anyone to do anything!"

I snorted, realizing that the mood had shifted, we weren't arguing, not yet, but the earlier mood of sharing was long gone. "Yeah, so when he met my mom, forcing her to give up her family, forcing her to choose between him and her cousin, the rest of her relatives what was that?"

I could see his hand shaking, the pace of his steps becoming faster. His voice sneered, "She didn't tell you everything, just half-truths, just enough to scare you, to justify what she did. There are always two sides to every story!" His eyes had narrowed, becoming mirrors of the wolf eyes in my dreams. Something about him, the way his body was taunt, the way his eyes had narrowed warned me to get away from him.

I stood, debating passing him to go back to the kitchen or going up the stairs opposite of where he stood. His eyes flashed anger in my direction and I choose the stairs. I knew as soon as I reached the top which room had been mine. I wrapped my hand around the doorknob, taking a few deeps breathes to steady my nerves before turning the handle, pushing the door open.

It was like walking into a time capsule, the image blending with forgotten memories. I ran my fingertips over the comforter, remembering the feel of it, the softness that had surrounded me when I was young. I pulled back the blanket, needed to confirm that it was memory and not just wishful thinking. "For all the pink in here you always wanted your cloud sheets." Embry had come upstairs, his form filling the doorframe. I jumped at the sound of his voice, the softness of it after what he had sounded like just moments ago.

I smiled, remembering. "I used to think that when I slept I was flying, the clouds just helped fuel the fantasy." I reached down plucking a crayon coloring off the small child's table. "I wonder what this was supposed to be?' I showed Embry, the paper covered in multicolored scribbles. I opened the closet door; a dusty mothball scent filled the air around me. I reached out, running my hands over the dresses that still hung there, waiting for a child that would never come back.

I covered my mouth with my hand, crying. I didn't know what to believe anymore, what to think. I felt Embry put his arm around me, heat flooding my body as he pulled me into him. His touch broke the dam that I had constructed, I sobbed against him, my body racked with tears and pain. We sank to the floor together, him pulling me onto his lap as I sobbed, screaming and crying against him. I pulled at his shirt, grabbing it and balling it in my fist. He murmured against me hair, whispering calming words.

"I just don't understand, what happened?" My tears continued, the sobbing hysterical outburst slowly fading. I sagged against him, not caring that he was still virtually a stranger. I felt so alone, so scared. In that moment I needed someone to comfort me, to hug me and tell me that things were going to be ok, that I would finally learn the truth.

I felt his head shake back and forth, his words a whisper. "I can't answer that, but you're home now that's all that matters."

I knew I should get up, get off his lap, but I didn't. For the first time since leaving my home in Oklahoma I felt safe, felt like things were finally going to be ok. I jumped, hearing a door slam downstairs.

I felt Embry tense then relax under me. "It's Kim and some of the guys; everyone heard that you were back." I could almost feel the smile on his face. "I'm sure Collin and Seth have told everyone about your meeting too."

I slapped a hand to my mouth, "I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have left them." I felt bad now; embarrassed at the way I had treated them. I jumped off his lap as I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. I looked down, seeing a concerned look on his face as I wiped away my tears.

His voice wasn't loud, just authoritative "We'll be down in a minute." The footsteps on the stairs stopped, and then faded as whoever it was turned around. He stood, maneuvering me towards the bathroom, "I'll wait why you clean up, then I can introduce you to everyone."

I stood at the edge of the sink, in the mirror I could see a pink rubber duck still waiting on the edge of the bathtub, a bottle of bubble bath next to it. I hung my head, splashing the cold water on my face, trying to get a grip on what was going on.

There must have been a dozen people in the expansive kitchen, I recognized Kim standing at the stove, Conner and Seth sitting with two other men who looked and dressed like they did. I couldn't be sure, but I thought one of them was the officer I had met when I had gone to the police station. I could see two other women standing at the sink, their backs to me as they washed something. I could see Seth playing with a little boy in a highchair, two girls on the floor with crayons and paper. I turned my head as I watched a couple come from Sam's bedroom. The girl was familiar. I stopped, forcing Embry to almost walk into me as I stared at her. It couldn't be. I looked closer, realizing that it wasn't who I had thought it was, she wasn't quite as pale, and she was almost more beautiful that Alice had been. Her eyes were different as well.

"Are you alright?" I heard Embry's voice in my ear, "I know it's a little overwhelming, but everyone was so excited that you and your mom were back, everyone is looking forward to meeting you."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

I was having a hard time keeping everyone's name straight. I was trying to be gracious, to listen to everyone as they shared stories about me, about my mom, but all I could think about was what my mom had told me about these people. I paid careful attention to the girls on the floor. I learned the older of the two, Lauren, was the daughter of Kim and Jared. The younger one and the boy in the high chair were the children of Claire and Quil. I couldn't help but notice the way Seth hovered around Lauren, never allowing her to be more than a few feet away from them. I know Embry caught me staring, the look of horror and disgust on my face.

I excused myself from the group, the closeness beginning to feel suffocating. I went to see my mom, to check on Sam. Kim followed me in, silently handing me a warm bowl of soup. I dutifully went to my mom's side, spooning the liquid into her accepting lips. I wanted to ask Kim about her daughter, if she had been promised to an adult the way I had, the reason for my mom's running away. I didn't. I willed my mom to get better, to be able to explain everything to me. I could feel Kim's eyes on me, the questions in her eyes.

After they had finished eating I worked silently with Kim, washing my mother and preparing her for bed as she did the same for Sam. "Seth moved in after your father took ill, in case you're wondering." Kim looked over at me.

"Thanks, I wondered who looked after him when you weren't here." My words were stiff, forced. "You all must care about him a lot to do this."

Kim nodded with tears in her eyes. "We do, we all love him like family." I leaned down, kissing my mom on the cheek before turning in to leave. I could hear the voices in the living room and kitchen, voices mingling with laughter. I stepped into the kitchen, looking around for my backpack. All I could think about was leaving, being able to spend some time alone to just think, to process everything that was going on. Everything I had learned.

"You can stay here, you don't need to leave." I looked up as Seth spoke.

"I know, but I'd rather be at the hotel." It was true, I may be from here, and this was my father's house, the house where I lived for the first three years of my life, but it wasn't home. "I'll be back in the morning to see how they're doing." I said a quick good bye to everyone, thanking them for coming over, for meeting me and sharing their stories. I had to explain to everyone again that I wanted to stay at my hotel, refusing offers of spare bedrooms and staying at Sam's house.

Embry walked me to my car, quietly trying to convince me to stay. "This is your home; you don't need to run from here."

I took a deep breath, "No, this was my home, past tense." I saw a look of pain cross his face. I bit my bottom lip, "I'll be back in the morning, I just need to sleep, to think about everything."

"Well at least let me drive you back." He looked at me, smiling as I yawned.

I waved him off, covering my mouth as I yawned again. "I'm alright, besides how would you get back?"

He reached out wrapping his fingers around my keys. "Don't worry about that, if you insist on going back to the hotel then I insist on driving you, I don't want to worry about you falling asleep behind the wheel." I was too tired to fight, letting go of the keys.

He opened the door for me, if wasn't until after I sat down that I remembered that Seth still had my room key. I told Embry as he opened the driver's door. "This isn't some ploy to leave without me is it?" He smirked at me before running into the house, returning a minute later with the key card in his hand.

Embry dropped me off, handing me my keys and cardkey only after walking me to my door. We made plans to meet the next day, he said he would be working in the morning, but once he was off in the afternoon we could meet up, talk some more. We agreed to meet at Sam's; I knew I would be there to check on my mom. As he left I saw his eyes almost grow sad when he asked how long I planned on staying at the hotel until I came home. I shrugged telling him that I planned on staying at the hotel until I knew what was going on with my mom. I just didn't feel right staying at Sam's and as much as I appreciated everyone's offers they were still pretty much strangers to me.

I fell into bed as the door shut, not even bothering to check who had come to pick up Embry. I glanced at the digital clock next to my bed, it was only 6:00 but my sleep had been so off lately I curled up under the sheets, asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

I spent the next day at Sam's, helping Seth and Kim with my parents. Sam looked worse, he had never woken when my mom got there, never knew that she had come back. I sat with Kim and Seth in the kitchen, drinking coffee, talking, and laughing as they recalled stories of people I was just learning about.

Kim left after lunch; her kids would be coming home from school soon. She hugged me when she left, telling me that she would check in later.

I turned to Seth, asking about his sister Leah, asking where she was, why she hadn't visited yet. "My mom used to talk about her all the time, about how close they were growing up. I was hoping that she would be here, that I could finally meet her."

Seth could only shake his head, "Leah left the rez not long after you and your mom did, for a while we thought she might have put your mom up to it, might have been helping her." He looked down, shamed by something. "She never really forgave us for accusing her of helping you; she hasn't been back in quite a few years."

"Where is she now?" I was curious, hoping that maybe once my mom was better they could rekindle their prior relationship.

"The last time she was here, she and Sam fought; after she left she said she didn't want to talk to anyone anymore, that she wasn't coming back." I saw a smile on his face, "I still write to her, she sends me postcards every now and then. She moved to San Diego, she went to school for a while before deciding to take up photography. She does a lot of freelance now, she's really good." I could see the pride in his eyes for his sister.

I swallowed, not sure if Seth would tell me, I asked anyway. "Do you know what happened with her and my mom? All I know is somehow Sam came between them and that my mom chose Sam over Leah and it was never the same after that."

I watched as Seth nodded his head. He glanced towards Sam's room, his voice low. "Sam and Leah were high school sweethearts, everyone assumed they would get married, live happily ever after, all that." He grinned. "When your mom came down to visit one time Sam saw her, that's all it took, he imprinted." I saw his eyes quickly look into mine. I had no idea what imprinting was.

"What's that? Imprinting?"

"I'll get to that, but once he imprinted on your mom that was it. He and Leah split, your mom was the only woman he saw, the only woman he wanted." His voice trailed off, his eyes glancing back down the hallway towards my mom and Sam.

I wrapped my hands around the mug, pulling it to my lips, speaking before I took a drink. "Explain what 'imprinting' is, what is that? Does it have something to do with the cult, or whatever it is," I qualified as I saw the look of annoyance on Seth's face at my use of that word. "How does it work, how could it make Sam fall for my mom if he loved Leah?"

"Are you sure your mom never talked to you about this, never explained?" I could tell Seth was uncomfortable with my line of questioning. I shook my head, most of what I was learning in La Push I was learning and hearing for the first time.

I saw him exhale, staring into the space next to me, not meeting my eye. "First of all your dad didn't lead a cult or anything like that. We're a pack, a group that protects the tribe. Imprinting comes with that, it's like nothing I can really explain." He struggled for words. "I think the best easiest way to explain it is to think about it like 'love at first sight,' 'soulmates,' and finding the person that completes you all at once. It's almost spiritual, a love that binds you to another for eternity. In that moment, time stops." He shrugged a smile on his face.

I made a face, trying to fit that into what I knew about myself, about my mother's fear that I had been 'promised' to someone, to what I saw last night with Seth and Lauren. "How does it work? Even with kids?" I could feel the anger in my words.

Seth scrambled, his words a rush. "No, no, not like that. Not what you're thinking. It only happens to certain people, to people who, it's hard to explain." I could see him trying to find the right words, to explain it in a way that I could understand. "It's not always a romantic type love; sometimes it's a protective love, a brother/sister type of relationship." His face contorted. "Yes, sometimes the imprint happens with an adult and a child, but it's never a sexual thing, never like that." He looked angry that I had even thought it. "As protectors of the tribe it ties us to another member, binds us to them, and makes us more willing to do whatever it takes to make them safe."

I still wasn't sure I really understood. "Isn't that what the police are for? Don't they protect and serve?"

His voice was strong, his face serious. "There are things that the police can't protect you from. That's what we're there for." He stood, going to the sink and pouring a glass of water. I pushed away from the table, still trying to figure out what he could mean as I walked down the hall, checking my mom and Sam again.

I cried out, yelling for Seth when I saw. I stood in the hallway horrified as I watched everything going on around me. Embry flew in the house, his uniform giving him authority as he directed the other arrivals. I crumbled, crying as I saw my mother and Sam both wrapped in white sheets being rolled out and into waiting ambulances. There were no lights, no sirens, nothing that could be done for them.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

I sat numbly in the living room, Kim and Seth on either side of me and Embry kneeled in front of me, telling me they were both gone. I fell forward, Embry's arms circling around me as I sobbed. I could feel both Seth and Kim rubbing my back, murmuring words of condolence. I could hear voices in the other rooms, every now and again Quil or another officer or uniformed personnel coming over to whisper something to Embry, Embry whispering back as he stayed with me, comforting me.

I didn't know what to do, what to think. As I began to calm down, to slowly come to grips with what had happened, Embry sat me back up on the couch, sitting next to me as Kim stood, Seth already in the kitchen talking to Quil. I told Embry what I knew, that they had both been ok at lunch time, that Kim and I had checked on them, had spoon fed them both more soup, that I had carried my mom to the bathroom, that she was still not really responding to me. Sam had been the same, neither one of them even acknowledging that we were there. Kim and I had laid them back down together after changing the sheets. Seth and I had heard nothing just a room away. "They were so pale looking, so cold." My voice broke as I remembered coming face to face with death.

I could hear Jake's big voice in the kitchen, telling everyone there had to be a meeting tonight. I looked at Embry, "what is he talking about? A meeting for what?"

"Nothing, don't worry about it." I saw him shoot a dirty look in the direction on the kitchen. "Sam was on the tribal council, he was the chief. Jake became the leader after Sam stepped down, after he got sick. I'm sure Jake just wants to make sure everything is in order, that Sam is given proper respect." I nodded, not sure I really understood, but relieved that it was something I wouldn't have to worry about.

A sudden thought struck me, "I want them buried together." I wasn't sure why, but for some reason that was important to me. I knew it was something they would have wanted.

Embry patted my arm, "I know and they will be. You don't need to think about all of that right now."

I stood; the house had been filling up. I could see people milling around, small groups clustered together, everyone in shock. I could hear all the voices mingling together, the sound of children running around, laughing. I needed time, quiet. Embry dropped my arm, standing as I walked away. I climbed the stairs, shutting the door behind me as I sat on the bed in my childhood room. I reached over grabbing a pillow and pulling it to my face as I screamed into it. I couldn't believe it, I thought bringing my mom back would save her and now she was gone. She had taken answers with her that I would never get. Sam was gone too, a father I had already mourned, a father I would never know.

I sat staring numbly at the wall until I realized it had grown dark. I could hear the noise downstairs, muted compared to last night, but still loud. There had been an occasional knock on the bedroom door, I'm sure that one of the knocks came from Kim, the other Embry. Both times I had sent them away, telling them I was alright. I walked downstairs numb, not hearing anyone as they turned, mouthing their sympathy. I pushed past everyone, picking up my bag and settling in my car. I made it as far as First Beach, pulling off to sob once more. I heard a knock at my window before the door was opened.

I fell into Embry's arms, my grief overwhelming me. He picked me up in his strong arms, carrying me like a newborn to his home. I lay shivering on his lap, a blanket draped over me, his warm body against mine. I could only sob.

I woke later, dreams of my mother and father still painted in my mind. I could see them clearly, happy, healthy, together. I saw them the way the must have looked when they were newly in love. I wanted to reach out, to touch them, to join them. When the image faded I was alone in the dark. My eyes adjusted, realizing I was in Embry's house, sleeping on his couch. I could hear a muted snore next to me, Embry sleeping in a chair. I watched his face as he slept the smooth relaxedness of it. As I listened I could hear wolves howling in the distance, a beautiful haunting sound. The sound drew me outside, standing on the porch, searching the sky. I leaned against the railing realizing for the first time that I was alone.

I walked back in the house quietly, not want to disturb Embry's sleep. I wrapped my hand around my keys, willing them not to make a noise. I drove back to the hotel in Forks, needing some time to be alone. I turned on the lights, going to my mother's bag. I held her shirt up, breathing in her warm scent. If I could have cried I would have, but my tears were all used. I climbed on the bed, clutching her shirt to me. My mind raced in a million directions. I wasn't sure what was going to happen next. Obviously there would be a funeral, I had talked about it briefly with Embry, agreeing to let Jake and the others handle the details for both of my parents. My mom and I didn't have any close friends, anyone that I needed to inform. I wondered briefly about her friends Alice and Jasper, but I had no way to contact them. I wondered if Leah could come to the funeral, if someone would contact her. I made a mental note to ask Seth about it.

I was thankful again for the new ID I carried, even if I was only seventeen the ID said I was twenty-two, old enough to be on my own. I laughed ruefully, looking about the tiny room, realizing that everything that my mother and I had was in that room. I had never counted the money given to us, I briefly wondered how much was the in the envelope, how long it would last. I shrugged; I would worry about that later. I realized all the secrets my mom had, everything that I had hoped to learn, to have explained I would never get the chance to learn.

I showered as the sun came up, digging through a bag of clothes until I found a pair of khaki's and a red blouse. I kicked at the bag, realizing I would need to buy clothes for the funeral. That thought sent a new wave of grief through me. I gripped the edge of the dresser, forcing myself to swallow it down. I walked numbly outside, slinging my bag over my shoulder as I walked back to the rental office. As I was about to enter, to continue my stay for another week or more I saw Embry walking towards me. I was startled at first; he was only in cutoffs and seemed to have walked right out of the woods.

His voice was quiet, his eyes downcast. "You left last night." It was a statement, but he was asking why.

I nodded, "I needed some time, besides I had to shower and change anyway." I looked around, "where did you come from? Do all of you guys run barefoot through the woods?"

He shook his head, "Checking out?"

"No, not yet, I need to register for a few more days, at least until I figure out what I'm doing next." I chewed on my thumb, wincing when I finally chewed too much.

"Ollie, why don't you just stay on the rez, either in your room at Sam's, my house, with Kim and her family, but stay out there, stay with your family, with people who want to help you."

I looked down, hot tears forming on my eyes. My voice was a whisper, "My family died." I saw the look of hurt on his face; he visibly winced before turning away. "I can't stay there, please understand, there was something my mom was trying to protect me from, until I know what that is I can't stay there. I have to know that if I do it's safe." I wasn't sure if he would understand, if he could feel how confused I was, how alone I felt. I pushed the door open, the bell jarring against the otherwise quiet of the office.

Embry was leaning against my car when I came out. He held out his hand as I approached and without argument I handed him my keys. I was surprised when he only drove down the street, pulling off at a café. "Breakfast." He smiled as the one word explained his purpose.

"You can't go in there like that." I looked at his naked chest, the hard muscles under his russet skin. I reached in the backseat, rummaging through a bag of clothes that hadn't been carried into the hotel, "a-ha, here" I threw an oversized t-shirt at him. He stood, pulling the shirt over his head. I almost laughed, it just barely fit. On me it came almost to my knees, it was a shirt I wore to sleep in. "You're on your own about shoes." He shrugged, grinning.

We sat across from each other, truthfully I wasn't hungry, but I was sure Embry was. Having sat with me all evening and taking me home, I hadn't seen him eat at all. He reached for the menu I was only pretending to read when the waiter came. "We'll have an extra cheese, mushroom, olive, and bacon omelet, no potatoes with toast extra light. And a side of tomatoes. We'll also need a number 12 and can I get that with smothered hash-browns, the eggs over easy, and a biscuit covered in gravy instead of toast?" He smiled up at the waiter, gesturing to our upturned cups, "coffee and if we could also get a glass of water that would be great."

I looked at him, how did he know what I ate when I went out to breakfast? "How did you know that?" I felt my brow pull together with the question.

He laughed, "It's the same as Seth's, and how many times do you think I've heard him order it. Except I remember, you don't like raw onions, right?" I could only stare at him, who remembered details like that, especially from over a decade ago.

I took a sip from my coffee cup, making a face at its bitterness. I dumped a packet of sugar in it stirring as I thought of my next question. "What happens now?"

Embry reached across the table, laying a comforting hand on my forearm. "We'll go out the rez after breakfast, I'm sure Jake and the guys started making arrangements last night." My hand flew up, I just remembered that there was supposed to be a meeting, that Embry hadn't gone, he had stayed with me instead.

"I didn't get you in trouble did I?" Embry looked at me, a question on his face. I tried to explain. "You were supposed to be at the meeting, you let me cry on you instead."

Embry shook his head back and forth, "No, they understand, you needed me more than they did. Besides, once we get back to La Push I need to go into work, handle some of the paperwork, and meet with some of the Elders. I'll see and talk to everyone then, they can fill me in on anything I missed."

"Thanks" I raised my hands, leaning back as the waiter put our plates down. I looked over at Embry's order, realizing that he had enough food to feed a small army. "No wonder you need to run, look at what you eat." I gestured to his plate.

He looked up, his fork loaded down with potatoes covered in gravy and cheese. "Tastes good, and I burn it." He grinned, flexing a bicep.

I could only pick at my omelet, not really hungry enough to eat. I sipped at my horrid coffee, listening to Embry's voice as he talked about his memories of my mom and dad. I smiled as he remembered her blueberry muffins, "they were the greatest, bigger than your hand, but tasted like a soft pillowy cloud." I smiled as he remembered how my parents would throw bar-b-ques, inviting everyone over, that sometimes it would last the entire weekend as people came and went. "I remember how excited they were when they found out Emily was pregnant. You were the first kid born out of our pack, when you were born you suddenly had all these big protective brothers looking out for you." His eyes clouded over, his head turned as he censored something from his story. He faced me again, the feeling gone. "You were such a cute baby, I remember I had just gone on patrol when I heard that Emily had started going into labor. Did you know you were born in Sam's house, Rachel, she's Paul's wife, is a nurse-midwife. She helped your mom through labor. I stopped by when I got off patrol; you had just been born, still covered in goo." He grinned as I blushed. "Here comes Sam, carrying you out to the living room, all wrapped in a blanket to show you off. When I saw you, you took my breath away, it was like time stopped." Where had I heard that expression before? I watched Embry's face, the joy that covered it. "If that brief moment you were the center, all I wanted to do was protect you."

I could feel the bottom fall out of my stomach as the realization hit me. Embry had imprinted on me, that's why he had been spending so much time with me, why he seemed so familiar. I was glad I hadn't eaten; if I had I was sure I would have been sick. I was sitting here, laughing with the very person my mom had run from, tried to protect me from. Embry was oblivious to my realization, his voice still wistful as he recalled other stories. I looked around the café quickly, getting the eye of our waiter to bring the check. All I could think about was getting out of there, of getting back to the rez and away from him.

I felt my skin prickle as he reached his arm around my shoulders, walking towards the car. "Are you alright?" I pulled away from him, not answering as I got in the car. "Alright, if you don't want to talk that's fine. I can understand that." It was a silent ride back the La Push, I spent the ride looking out the window, watching the trees fly past with my back towards Embry.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Embry handed me my keys at Sam's, telling me he would be back as soon as he could. I walked in the house, people still gathered there, food piling up over every empty space in the kitchen. I dropped my bag on the counter nearest the door, barely acknowledging everyone as I made my way towards the room that held my mother and father's last breath. I stood outside the door, breathing as I gathered the courage to open the door. With a gentle push it opened. I knelt at the edge of the bed, my face already dripping with tears as I remembered that just yesterday they had both laid here, both been alive. I wanted to be angry, angry that they had both left me, had left me alone and an orphan. I wanted to scream out at my mom, that she had taken me away, had prevented me from ever knowing my father. I wanted to yell at Sam, that he hadn't found us, had made my mom feel like there was no other choice for her but to take me and flee.

I grabbed at the glass next to the bed, throwing it against the wall. The shattered brought Kim and Rachel to my door, the worry plain on both their faces. I pushed past them, walking into the woods, needing to do something to burn off the anger that threatened to erupt. I pushed through the trees, tearing at the ferns the tickled at my arms. I found a path, it looked well used, both bare feet and large paw prints covered it. It wasn't long before I heard footsteps coming up behind me, Embry in his uniform.

"Are you ok, Kim called, scared that you ran off." I held out my hands as he walked towards me, not wanting him to come any closer.

All the pain, the hurt, the anger I felt at my parents bubbled over and I yelled at him. "You, you make me sick! I know who you are, what you did. YOU are the reason my mom ran away with me, she had to protect me from you!" I could see the pain on his face, but I continued. "How could you have imprinted on me? I was just born; I didn't even have a chance." Tears burned just behind my eyes, "you couldn't even protect me from being attacked!" I pulled back my blouse, ripping open the two top buttons as I showed him the scars that covered my neck and shoulder. I took a step towards him, the venom practically dripping from my words. "Some protector you are, you're nothing!" I reached out, bringing my hand down on his cheek, pain shooting up my arm. I stepped back, watching a sea of emotions churn across his face, his hands almost vibrating.

His voice was a growl, "Run, just leave." I looked at him, the same black eyes of my nightmare attacker staring at me.

"Maybe it wasn't a dog that attacked me, I bet it was you." My words were a hiss. I knew it wasn't fair, taking all my hurt and pain out on him, but I couldn't stop. I heard a crack, watching as Embry's body contorted, falling forward while I listened to a horrible ripping sound. Pieces of his tan uniform leapt off like water in a frying pan. If I had blinked I would have missed it. I screamed, terrified of the giant wolf who stood in front of me. I could hear footsteps running towards me, the spotted grey wolf snarling at me. I took a step backward, tripping over a root and falling on my butt. I covered my face with my arms, certain that I was about to be attacked.

"Embry what have you done?! Get her out of here!" I could see a flash of someone in the trees, Seth suddenly walking towards me; a scrap of what had been Embry's uniform barely covering him as he struggled into his shorts. Jake was beside me, helping me to my feet. I looked to where the wolf had been, but it was gone. "Seth's going to take you home." Jake looked at Seth, "I'll go after Embry, let Kim and Rachel know what's going on."

I was numb as Seth led me back to Sam's house, gently patting my hand as he whispered quiet words. "It's alright, you're ok, we'll explain everything, just take some deep breaths."

Rachel met us at the back door, Seth hastily explained that Embry had 'phased' in front of me. I must have been in shock; nothing was making any sense to me. Rachel and Embry led me to a chair, Rachel kneeling beside me, her hands checking my pulse as Seth handed me a glass of water. Kim stood next to Seth, his voice just a noise to me when he explained what happened.

I was still sitting there, still not believing what I saw when Jake walked it. I jumped, putting Seth between me and the door when I saw Embry behind Jake. Jake spoke softly, his voice calming. I listened as he explained. My father wasn't a leader of a cult. No, he was the leader of a pack of wolves. The pack, the protectors of La Push, were all the guys I had seen, had met. I was still in disbelief; everything felt like it was crumbling around me. As he finished explaining he held out his hand. I placed my hand in his, amazed at how warm he was. He moved slightly, allowing Embry to come closer. He transferred my hand from his to Embry's, slowly backing away as I met Embry's eyes.

"I am so sorry; I didn't mean to scare you, to frighten you. What you said, you were partially right." His voice cracking, "I didn't attack you, but I did hurt you. I had you out in the woods with me, you were riding on my shoulders, you and Claire used to play together sometimes, being so close in age. Quil and I phased, letting the two of you ride on our wolf shoulders, if we were going to race we knew we were faster in our phased forms." He looked down, no longer holding my eyes. "I was worried about you; you were younger and smaller than Claire. Quil took off, running at full speed, but I was afraid you'd fall if I did that. A mountain lion crossed out path; I could tell it had our scents. I reared up, trying to frighten it away and your hands let go, you were too little to hang on. I saw the lion leap and I turned, protecting you with my body, I had to move you, get you somewhere safe. I picked you up with my mouth, my teeth scratching you in my rush." His breathing was ragged as he continued. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I had to get you out of the way, and as soon as I saw what my teeth were doing I dropped you, using a paw to push you under a bush while I fought the cat. When I came back I saw what I had done, in my hurry, in my panic I had accidently hurt you, scratched you and left bite marks." He dropped to his knees in front of me, wrapping his arms around me as he pressed his head into my stomach. I stroked his hair as he continued his voice a muffled mix of emotions. "I had to get you home, I was too worked up from the fight, I couldn't phase back, I called out for someone to come, to help. Eventually Quil got there, taking you and Claire here in his human form. Your mom knew what had happened as soon as she saw you. She recognized the wounds." He pulled his head back, searching my face. "Right after your dad phased for the first time, he didn't know what was going on, there was no one to guide him the way he guided us, he argued with your mom, she was too close to him when he phased, he scratched her. She forgave him, she loved him still." He paused, the meaning of what he was asking sinking in. "I never ever meant to hurt you; I was only trying to protect you. You mom left with you right after that, scared I guess that you could be hurt again." I knelt down with him, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him close to me. At least now I could understand why my mom left, what she thought she was protecting me from.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

That was how we stayed, a crumpled hugging mess on the floor, both of us trying to explain to each other, both of us apologizing for things of the past, things beyond our control. When we pulled away I almost laughed, realizing that we had been alone in the kitchen for so long, that with a house pull of people, including kids, it was still quiet. Embry stood first, reaching his hand down to pull me up. I let him lead me to the sink, using a paper towel to wipe the tears from my face. I reached out, taking the towel from him and returning the favor.

Jake quietly came in the kitchen, sitting at the head of the table. I understood that he was the new leader, that somehow after my dad had gotten sick he had taken over. I saw a few faces I recognized follow him in; Quil, Seth, Connor, Jared, and a few faces I was sure I had seen before even if I didn't know or couldn't remember their names.

"I know the timing of this is horrible, but we wanted to discuss the arrangements with you, let you know what was going on." Jake spoke, looking at me as I leaned against Embry. "There is going to be a small service tonight for your parents, for Sam. It'll going to be just for family, the pack, and a few friends who knew his secret." Jakes voice was kind almost quiet. "Tomorrow will be the memorial, the funeral. If it's alright with you we've arranged for them to be buried together, here in La Push." He paused, looking down at his hands. "Is there anyone you need to contact, anyone special that Emily had in her life that needs to be informed?"

I recoiled, understanding what he was asking, why it had been difficult for him to ask. "There was no one; it's always just been her and I. There's no one to contact." I chewed my bottom lip, holding back the tears. "Has Leah been notified? Is she coming?" I hoped she was, not because she might be my last best chance for answers, but because no matter what she and my mother had been through, when my mom talked about her I could see her change, see the love she still had for her cousin she considered a sister.

"WE called her, but I don't know if she's coming. This has to be really difficult for her." Jake's eyes wouldn't meet mine.

I looked at everyone sitting at the table; the realization that they were all wolves hit me. I could feel myself starting to shake, feel Embry's warm strong arms tighten around me. "Are you alright?" His voice was a whisper in my ear.

I nodded, my voice threatened to betray my feelings and I was afraid to use it. I swallowed over the lump that had formed, a new thought taking shape. "Did Sam have family? Did he remarry or anything? Do I have family I haven't met yet?"

"No!" Jakes voice most snapped at my question. He took a breath, his voice back under control. "No, there was no one for your father except Emily; she was his imprint, his life." He looked at me, the dark brown of his eyes watery with unshed tears. "We're your family, all of us. We'll take care of you." I nodded, realizing that he and the rest of the pack were the closest thing I had to family now. I smiled, my gaze going to Seth who cleared his throat.

"You should move back here, we can be cousin-roommates." He grinned; obviously he thought that was a great idea.

My voice stuttered, "I- I, I'm going to need to think about it, let me just get through the next couple of days before I have to make any decisions." I walked over, hugging Seth from behind.

"Just think if you lived here we could have omelets everyday if you wanted." He hugged my arm, I'm sure he thought his offer of omelets sweetened the deal.

I was thankful for the laughter, the serious mood of earlier broken. Quil's young son, Levi, toddled in from the living room, I smiled to myself as I watched Quil reach down, scooping him up in his arms.

"What time?" I looked at Jake, "What time is the service tonight?"

Jake's face showed his puzzlement, "We were going to start at 7, finish with a final council meeting with him." His face scrunched up a bit, "Are you going somewhere?"

I shook my head yes, "I need to go back to the hotel; I need to find something for my mom first."

Jared reached out, "Kim found something for Emily, something from the closet upstairs." His voice was caring.

"No, not that, I'm sure whatever Kim found was fine, I need to find something else, something she needs to have with her, forever." My voice broke at the final word. I wiped at my eyes, "I'll be back as soon as I find it, I just hope she packed it."

Embry's arm reached out, "what are you looking for?"

I paused, pulling its imagine from my memory. "It's a bracelet she used to have. She used to wear it all the time; she only stopped earlier this year, when she got sicker. It's a small hand carved black wolf, I used to watch her hold it, almost like she was stroking its fur. She would sometimes just clutch it in her hand and cry. The sicker she got the more she held on to it." I wiped at my tears, "It must have reminded her o my dad, but I need to find it, it's important that she has it, that she wears it."

"Alright, I'll help you look for it." I saw Embry and Jake exchange a look.

"We'll find it, don't worry." Jake looked around the table, Seth and Connor both stood, waving goodbye as they left.

Embry grabbed my bag, holding the door open for me.

I dug around in the bags my mom had packed, dumping them on the beds. "You go through the stuff on that bed, I'll take the car." I walked outside popping the trunk, frantically digging through everything that had been stuffed in there in our panic to leave. I started pulling stuff out, making a pile as I searched. I came to the many pictures my mom had packed, some still in the frames. I reached out, wanted to touch my mom.

"Why don't you bring that, let everyone see what your mom looked like, how happy she was when she was with you." Embry's voice interrupted my nostalgia. "You both look so happy, so beautiful together."

I sighed, "This was my favorite picture of us, even as I got older and we had other pictures taken this one remained the best." I looked down at my mom's smiling face. I must have been like eight or nine in the picture. Almost too big to sit on my mom's lap, but there I was, her arms draped around me, both of us holding onto each other, smiling. I wiped a tear that landed on the glass. "Right after this one was taken was when she started getting sick, started aging before my eyes." I looked to Embry, "I think she always thought that she would come back, but I think it was right after this that she decided to stay gone."

I set it down carefully, piling the rest of the stuff up, still trying to find the bracelet. I didn't. I searched the backseat next, there wasn't much to go through, most of the bags had been taken to our room. I looked to Embry, "Did you find it?" He could only lower his eyes and shake his head back and forth. "Do you think maybe she had it with her when she went to my dad's? Maybe it's there?" I knew I was grasping at straws, holding on to false hope.

"We'll look, we'll find it, don't worry." He held me in a hug. "I'll wait here; get the car repacked, why don't you get ready?" I was too focused on trying to find the bracelet to think about myself. I ran in the hotel, digging through the pile on the bed, pulling out a pair of black pants, a pair of shoes, and a white blouse. I threw them in a bag, grabbing a second set of clothes just in case. I grabbed a few things from the bathroom, certain I wouldn't be back tonight.

Embry was finishing when I came out. I held up the bag, "I'll get dressed later; right now I just have to find it." He nodded, opening the passenger door for me before sliding in behind the driver's seat.

"How does it work?" I watched him as he drove my curiosity at everything I had learned earlier spilling over. "You being a wolf."

I saw a smile at the corner of his lip, "it's hard to explain, it just happens. Usually as a response to anger or a need to protect someone." He glanced over at me, "It's just part of who I am, just like you have black hair, I have the ability to become a wolf."

I could only shake my head, "How did you know, how did you learn about your ability?"

I saw Embry inhale through his nose, his bare chest expanding. "Sam was the first one; he was the first to phase. It was horrible for him, he had no idea what was going on, what was happening to him. Gradually more of us changed, all of us carrying the genes of our fathers and our fathers' fathers." I saw him glance over at me before putting his eyes back on the road. "Within our tribe certain families carry the gene, the ability to shift when the need arises. When our enemies are near those who are shifter, who carry the gene change. We were the first generation in four to change. Our enemies had been gone for a while, only coming back when your father and the rest of us were young."

I interrupted him, "What enemies, what are you talking about?"

He stopped the car; I hadn't realized we were back in La Push already. "It will be easier to explain, to tell you after tonight. Do you think you can wait? Trust me, this will all make sense." I slowly nodded, realizing that I did trust him.

I searched the room Sam and my mom had shared, searching everywhere for the lost bracelet. I ran my hand under the pillow that had cradled my mom's head, the crinkle of paper jarring both Embry and I. I slid my hand out, an envelope in my hand. For Olivia was neatly written on the outside in my mother's tiny handwriting. I couldn't breathe, my hands shaking as I perched on the edge of the bed. I held it up, showing Embry the front. I aware of Embry watching me, his voice silent as I struggled with what to do with it. I sat staring at it, part of my wanting to rip it open, to see if it contained my mother's secrets. The other part of my scared to read it, wondering if it would contain more questions than answers. I held it to my face, the distinctive scent of my mother still evident on it. I slid it in the pocket of my pants, resuming my search for her bracelet. The search of the room was quickly exhausted, the bracelet wasn't there. I sobbed against Embry, "We must have left it behind, it must still be in Oklahoma." I buried my face against his chest, my tears making tiny rivers down his chest.

He held me tight against him until my tears stopped. "There's still a few more places to check, don't worry we'll find it." I wondered how he could be so sure, so certain. I could hear the clock in the living room chiming, four o'clock. "Why don't you get ready, I have to run home. I'll be back soon to take you, in the meantime I'll keep looking."

I pulled away, nodding as I walked upstairs. I noticed for the first time how empty the house was, how quiet. I realized that everyone was gone, had gone to their homes to get ready. I heard footsteps on the stairs as I got in the shower, the door banging at the end of the hallway. Seth was back. I hurried, wanting to give him a chance to use the shower if he needed.

I dressed quickly, only pulling the brush through my hair once before twisting it into a knot. I walked slowly downstairs, wanting to be anywhere but where I was, doing what I was doing. I skipped the living room, coming to a halt in the kitchen, my mom's bracelet on the table. I clutched it, gently stroking the black wolf that hung down.

Seth walked in as I held it in my hands. "I see you found it."

"Where was it?" I looked over at him.

He shrugged, "Does it matter?"

My fingers played over it, my voice was a whisper when I thanked Seth.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

I looked up, hearing a car pull in the drive. Embry got out of his truck, coming up the porch. "Are you ready?" I slowly nodded, inside I was screaming, I would never really be ready to say good bye, to see my parents for the final time.

Embry opened the passenger door, allowing me to sit upfront while Seth sat in the backseat. I wiped at me eyes, touched when Embry handed me a box of tissues. He shrugged, "I figured you might need them." He gestured back towards Seth who was the quietest I had ever seen him, "we all might need them."

I walked in the council room, my breath catching when I saw Sam and my mom's coffins already at the front of the room. I could see Jake, his wife Nessie and a few others gathered in small groups. I froze, unable to take my eyes off the sight in front of me. I could feel people watching me, gauging my reaction. I shook of Embry's hand on my shoulder, slowly walking forward. I knelt down next to my mom, her polished wooden casket identical to the one that held Sam. I looked down at her, her face a mask of who she had once been. I held my arm out, unhooking her bracelet from my wrist. I pressed the wolf to my lips before quickly fastening on her, folding her hands together. I whispered to her, telling her that no matter what had happened, whatever her reason for leaving were I loved her, I understood. I was frozen, all the memories of she and I together; her teaching me to ride a bike, the way she laughed when I tried to wear make-up for the first time, camping trips we had taken, all of them and more flooding me. I gripped the edge of her coffin not ready to say good-bye, but knowing that I had to. I kissed her forehead before standing. I turned slightly to the left, to see Sam. I reached down, putting my small warm hand on his large cold one. I couldn't speak; I didn't know what to say. I loved him, he was my father. I just never knew him. I bent down, quickly kissing his forehead, wondering for a brief moment if I had done the same as a child, kissed him the same way, in the same spot as he twirled me around our living room.

I knelt down beside him, my shoulders hunched as I cried. Not because he was gone, but tears for the man I would never know, that I never had a chance to really love. Tears that were regretful. "I love you daddy." I reached out, covering his hand with mine. Behind me I could hear that more people were arriving, the muted sounds of chairs being sat on, and the hushed voices as people spoke.

I slowly made my way to a chair, sitting in the first row. I sat directly in front of both of them, not caring that it was in the middle of the row. I reached in my pocket, pulling out a tissue, trying to wipe the tears away as people walked towards me.

"Olivia, if it's alright, instead of a formal service Jake's going to talk, give a brief eulogy and allow anyone who wants to share a chance to speak."

I nodded at Embry, "it's fine." I could feel my body starting to shake, the emotional toll starting to take effect. I scanned the crowd forming; I recognized Jake and a few others. Most of the faces were completely foreign to me. I thought I saw Alice with Jake's wife, but I wasn't certain it was her; a man with his back to me blocked my view.

I turned as someone walked towards me, relief when I saw that it was Seth. I took the box of tissues from him as he took a seat next to me. "We're going to be starting soon. How are you holding up?" I could tell my face was a mess, the tears dripping off my chin. I could only shake my head; I knew if I tried to speak I would only sob.

I could feel the seats filling up around me as I stared ahead, trying to capture these final images of my parents in my mind. Embry sat with me, holding my hand. I could feel hands on my shoulders, gentle squeezes from people conveying their sympathy. Seth sat on the other side of me, whispering words of comfort to me.

I looked up as I watched Jake step behind the podium, his strong voice carrying without the need for a microphone.

"_Welcome all as we gather here to celebrate in the lives of Samuel Joseph Uley and Emily Marie Young- Uley. Their passing has come much too early. Sam was a beloved member of our community, a great leader of our pack and our tribe. Sam was a father figure to most, helping us as we transitioned from boys to men. At his side was Emily, who with a smile, a muffin, or just a hug was a mother to all of us. There were times that Sam was hard on us, when we didn't always agree with him, but no matter what we would follow him, always believing that he wanted what was best for us, that he cared and loved us._

_I can remember a time, shortly after I phased for the first time. Sam and I were running a patrol, his thoughts invading mine as he thought about Emily, about what she meant to him. In that moment, even though I felt like an eavesdropper, I could feel his connection to her, the imprint that bound them together. After my own imprint, after Nessie was born, Sam was one of the first people I wanted to talk to. Not just because of the circumstances we were facing then, but because I could finally understand his desire for unity, for us all to be a family. It wasn't too long after that, after that final battle that he and I began to talk about bringing the packs back together. Sam knew that we were stronger united than we could ever be divided._

_When Sam and Emily first announced they were expecting everyone was overjoyed. I remember them telling us, how their eyes sparkled, how the love between them seemed to multiply. Sam was convinced he was going to have a son, even going as far as making a fishing pole for him. When Olivia was born, when Sam walked out with Olivia wrapped in a blanket, showing her off he couldn't have been happier, more pleased that he had a daughter. He was smitten right away. Emily was no different, never stating her preference either way during the pregnancy. Between the two of them Olivia was the center of their universe. Sam cut back on his duties as an Alpha, desiring to be a better father than his was._

_Emily was what we all looked for, what we all wanted for ourselves. She was beautiful, kind, never a cross word for anyone. I'm sure we all have stories of how she would listen to us, feeding us and pouring cup after cup of coffee as she tried to help us through our ups and downs. Most of us spent more time in our early years in their house than our own._

_We lost two amazing people, a great leader and a wonderful woman when these two passed. I sometimes wondered how they were able to go on without their other halves, how they survived. I think they knew they would come back together; they waited until they could be together forever before letting go._

_Olivia, your parents were amazing, incredible people. I hope you know, no matter what may have happened, whatever pushed them apart, they both did what they thought was best, wanting only for you to be happy. There was nothing they wouldn't have done for you. You were always in your father's thoughts, always in his prayers. I'm sure the same is true of your mother as well._

Jake slowly stepped away from the podium, making room for anyone else who wanted to speak, to share a story or a memory. I watched as a tall, dignified man walked gracefully towards Jake, his face a perfect porcelain mask.

_Most of you know me already, but for those that don't, my name is Carlisle Cullen. I've had the distinct pleasure of knowing Sam for many years. I knew only a little of his wife Emily and even less of his daughter._

_Sam was a great collaborator, it is because of him, his willingness to help that my family, all of my family is here with me today. Sam was a great protector, a great leader. We were all better for having known him._

_When I was informed that Emily and Olivia had returned I was overjoyed for him, hopeful that their being reunited would heal them both. I believe, as Jake does, that he waited for her. He somehow knew she would come back. Theirs was an eternal love._

I listened as Carlisle continued to talk, sharing stories of Sam. I tried to picture the man everyone remembered, trying to overlay him with what I knew from my mother.

I watched as one by one current and former members of Sam's pack took their turn, each sharing stories about how Sam had touched their lives, some with stories of my mom. I smiled through my tears, a feeling almost like pride swelling inside me as I heard time and time again how he had touched someone. I wondered briefly if there was anyone to talk about my mom, everyone had stories, memories of Sam. I wondered if there was anyone who had known my mom, could speak for her, about her that didn't include Sam.

I watched a woman come forward; I knew right away who she was. She was beautiful, so much like my mom in looks. I could feel both Embry and Seth tense up beside me. I felt myself leaning forward, almost desperate to hear what she would have to say, to her if she could tell me anything about my mom that I didn't know.

_Emily was my best friend growing up; we were more like sisters than cousins. When we were both young we would play for hours, pretending to be teachers, doctors, moms, sometimes even astronauts or cowboys. I firmly believed that Emily could have done anything she put her mind to. She was one of the smartest people I knew. There were times growing up that I would get her to do my homework just because it would only take her minutes to do the work that would sometimes take me hours._

_There isn't a day that passes that I didn't think of her, even in our later years, when we fought, there was still a deep love. There was nothing we wouldn't do for each other. I have missed her every day, always keeping her in my thoughts and prayer, that she and Olivia were happy and safe._

Leah went on, sharing stories of their childhood together, games they had played, and things they had done together. I smiled picturing the two of them on their first trip to Seattle as teens. Leah telling how they got lost and my mom finally had to convince Leah to pull over, asking for directions and realizing they were closer to Tacoma than Seattle. I was thankful that Leah didn't bring up what had driven them apart, focusing instead on the joy she and my mother shared, the love between them.

I tried to pay attention, to focus of what everyone was saying, on all their memories. I could feel the room closing in on me, the stories of my father sounding like they were for a stranger. As more people talked, shared stories I almost felt like an outsider, like I was intruding. I wanted to stand up, to yell at everyone there. My mom would have never left, never taken me away if he would have chosen us over them. I was jealous; all the people in the room, people that were basically strangers to me had a closer, more fatherly relationship with my dad than I did. No one had come out and said it directly, but I could feel the undercurrent of the stories. I could see in their faces when they spoke her name, most barely mentioning her name, that they blamed my mom for his death.

I could feel Embry's hand in mine, squeezing as I closed my eyes, trying to block out the latest speaker. I wanted to lash out at Paul, his voice barely concealing his disdain for my mother. As I listened to him, hearing him speak I couldn't take anymore. I dropped Embry's hand as Paul's words washed over me_; "When Emily left she not only took Olivia, but Sam's will to live. The imprint that stretched between them unable to save them from her abandonment."_ I stood, glaring at Paul, wanting to walk over and slap him. I didn't even wipe at the tears that ran down my face.

I took a deep breath, my voice coming out ragged and raw.

"_All of you, all of you that thought you knew them. You saw what you wanted, what you needed from them. To some Sam was a father figure, not to me. To me he was the man who chose you, his pack over his own family. My mom isn't some punch line, some warning tale to tell your own imprints the dangers of going against their mates, she was my hero. My mom was the best, most amazing, incredible woman. I won't stand here, letting ANYONE say anything different about her. No one, myself included, knows what happened between them. You should be ashamed, for all your memories of my father, of his kindness, his compassion, and you stand up there, tearing his wife, his partner down. Not just in front of him, his pack, but his child as well. I can understand why my mom wanted to leave, why she felt the need to protect me from this!"_

I was sobbing, screaming by the time I finished. My eyes blazing at Paul, at Jake who never stopped anyone from speaking, even when he had to have known how hurtful their words were. I jerked away from Embry as he tried to reach out to me. I ran outside, avoided the looks and hands that reached out to me. I gulped in the cool night air as I pushed open the doors. I could hear voices behind me, the surprise at my outburst. I tripped over the steps in my haste. When I looked up I saw Leah who was leaning against the building, a cigarette dangling from her lips.

"Need a lift?" I could only nod my head, walking with her as she went to the parking lot. I ignored Embry, Kim, and others as they started to spill outside. Leah's car purred to life, leaving the crowd behind us. We were silent as we drove out of town. I wiped at my face, trying desperately to bring my emotions under control.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

"It was good, Sam and Emily both would have been proud of you back there." I saw anger flash in her eyes, "that should have never happened."

I hiccupped as I spoke. "Did you hate her too; do you blame her for Sam?"

I could see the pain in her eyes, the faraway look as she thought about her answer. She finally answered her voice thoughtful. "No, I don't. Sam made his own choices, his own decisions. She asked him to leave with her, wanted them to live with the Makah until you were older, until they could explain things to you. In the beginning, when your dad first imprinted on her I was jealous, angry really. I had met Sam first, until he phased that first time we had planned on getting married." Her voice was wistful, full of memories. "Sam was the love of my life, not my imprint, but my first love, my first heartbreak. It took me a long time to get over that, to accept that he belong with your mother. It took quite a while actually, I blamed him, blamed your mom for taking him from me. I knew it was the imprint, knew it was beyond both their controls, but I was so hurt, such a mess back then." She stopped talking, turning to look at me. "Are you sure you want to hear all this? That now is the right time?"

I bit on my lower lip, I wasn't sure. I wanted to know what had happened, what my parents had been like. I wanted the truth, I just wasn't sure I would be able to handle knowing it. I slowly nodded my head. "I do, even if it hurts, if it makes me look at them differently, at least I'll know. The truth can't be any worse than my own imagination."

Leah nodded her head. She smiled, "How old are you now?"

I blinked, "I'm seventeen, but my ID says I'm twenty-two, why?"

She grinned wickedly, are you staying in Forks or back in La Push?"

I pointed off to the right as we came into Forks, "I'm at a hotel down there, at least for now. Why?" I was puzzled, what was she getting at, what was she thinking?

She only smiled, "We may both need a drink to do this, and I know a place."

Was she serious? My aunt Leah, the woman that was like a sister to my mom was taking me drinking on the night before my parents' funeral? What was she going to tell me that she thought she needed a drink to say it, more importantly what was I going to learn that I needed a drink to hear it?

She pulled into the parking lot of a small dingy looking bar. "Just stay close to me." She reached over before we got to the door, slinging her arm over my shoulders. "I still can't get over how much you look just like your mom at this age, but your temper, your behavior is so much like your fathers." She smiled at me.

We walked from the night into the bar that just almost as dark. Leah led me to a table in the back, ordering for the both of us. She sat with her back against the wall, her eyes quickly scanning the small crowd before letting her gaze fall to me. I toyed with the glass placed in front of me, tasting the cranberry concoction and surprised at how little alcohol I could taste. Leah raised her own glass, the ice clinking the sides as she drained the amber liquid in one large swallow.

Leah met my eyes. "Are you sure you're ready for this, that you want to hear these memories?" I nodded my head, keeping my hands wrapped around my glass.

Leah pushed her hair behind her ear, her voice dropping as she remembered. "Emily and I have been friends, sisters of a sort since I was born. Emily was a little older than me, I guess that made her think she had to look out for me, take care of me. We did everything together, we used to even double date, but always promising each other we would never date anyone's exes. She was so beautiful. I was always the tomboy, when Emily was happy to spend the day inside, helping in the kitchen or just hanging out in our rooms. Not me. I always wanted to do something, walk on the beach, try cliff diving, explore the woods. For all of our opposites we were still close, still each other's best friend."

She reached out, pointing her finger at me when she smiled. Another memory flooded her face. "I remember one year, we must have been thirteen and fourteen, maybe just a bit older. I went to spend part of my summer with Emily, Seth was still a kid, but he was there with us. We were all helping with the annual summer catch, bringing in and drying fish." Leah started to laugh, her voice cracking with laughter. "Seth's job was to help with the cleaning of the fish, and then pass it up to Emily and I who were helping with the drying. Seth got confused, when she reached out her hand for another fish he handed her a handful of entrails instead of the fish." Leah laughed harder, "She was convinced he had done it on purpose. She smeared her hand over his head, flinging bits on him and whoever was sitting next to him. She inadvertently started a fish guts fight." Leah laughed out loud, "No one believed Emily started it, blaming it on the kids instead. That's just how Emily was, always up for anything, finding fun no matter what."

I took another drink, Leah motioning the bartender that we needed another round. "What about Sam, how did you meet him?" I picked up my glass again, draining it as the waitress brought a new one.

"Ahh Sam." A small smile played on her lips, her head cocking ever so slightly to the side. "He was a few years ahead of me in school. I noticed him when I was a freshman, when he was a junior. I used to take the long way between my algebra and science classes just to pass him in the hallway after his English class. I thought he was beautiful, the way he moved, the way he wore his hair, it was long then, longer than mine is now." Her fingers toyed with her hair, the bob cut reaching her chin. "He finally noticed me my sophomore year, both of us taking the same art class." She laughed quietly. "Neither of us were very artistic so we tended to sit together, just trying to stay under the radar. He finally asked me out, after that we were inseparable. We spent all our time together, studying together, him hanging out at my house. Even when Emily would come down the three of us would spend time together." Her voice took a slightly harder edge, he eyes still faraway. "I knew there was nothing between them, not then, not ever if he hadn't phased." Her voice was suddenly sad. She reached out, grabbing the glass in front of her. She curled her fingers around it, bringing it to her lips as she tipped her head back.

"I wasn't sure what was going on when Sam phased the first time. I was a senior in high school. Sam and I had been making plans for the future." She shrugged her shoulders, "We were going to get married, spend our life together. He hadn't proposed yet, not officially, but we both knew that's where we were headed, both excited." She looked away for a second, her hands gripping the edge of the table. "After I graduated, the whole summer he started acting strange, spending lots of time alone, and not wanting to be near me. He really didn't want to be near anyone. At first we all thought he was sick, he was running a crazy high fever. I even thought that it was the fever making him act so weird, that it was damaging his brain." She laughed; it was hollow sounding, rueful. "I didn't know then that he was phasing, that he was turning. He came to see me afterwards, still distant, almost pushing me away without really trying. He looked so different, like his body had developed almost overnight, his hair shorn off, his temper always just simmering below the surface. I didn't know what to think, how to react. I invited your mom down, needed to talk to someone about it, get someone else's opinion." Leah raised her eyebrows at me, "I'm sure you can guess what happened, Sam saw her, he imprinted. We didn't know that's what it was; all I knew was my best friend was now the object of desire of the man I had thought I was going to spend my life with." Her face had grown hard, she might have convinced herself that she had gotten over it, but you could still see the bitterness behind her smile.

She toyed with her empty glass, sipping the small amount of melted ice that had gathered in the bottom before signaling for another. I picked up my glass, draining it quickly. I had never been to a bar, wasn't aware of what the proper etiquette was. I drank at the same speed of Leah; she was too lost in memories to notice.

"He wasn't allowed to tell me about the change, about what he had become. I didn't find out until later. From my perspective, from the outside looking in, all I knew was he had changed, he was different and no longer wanted me. Emily tried to push him away, tried to be mindful of my feelings, of my pain. She couldn't, the imprint bound them too closely. Sam followed her, trying to be everything for her." Leah closed her eyes, her lips curling in as pain crossed her face. "I found out later that they had fought, fought about me." Leah paused, wiping a hand across her eyes quickly before again draining her glass and setting it back on the table with a thud. "Emily was yelling at him, telling him to leave her alone, telling him to go back to me. It was too much for Sam, he hadn't learned how to control his anger yet." Leah bit down on her lip. She turned her head, refusing to look at me, her voice a broken whisper. "He phased in front of her, she didn't know how to react, and he reached down to her, his paw tearing her face, her arm." Leah wiped at her face again. "I never knew that had been fighting about me that day, I know it was an accident, he would have never hurt her on purpose." She turned back to me, her eyes pleading with me. "The Elders; my dad being one of them, Jake's dad, Old Quil, and the few others that knew what was happening to Sam convinced Emily to keep Sam's secret, blaming her injuries on a bear attack. Sam was sick over what had happened, even more devoted to Emily. Others started phasing then. Jared, Paul, Embry, Jake, and then Quil. Sam being the first, the one who helped everyone as they shifted was a natural Alpha. Even when Jake, who should have been Alpha by birthright, shifted he didn't step up, allowing your father to stay the leader." She shook her head, swirling the ice in her glass. "It was a confusing time, so much was going on, and so much was changing. Emily eventually forgave him, becoming almost a mother figure to all the new pups. I couldn't forgive her, couldn't forgive him. I let it eat at me, growing more and more bitter. It wasn't long after that that my father died. When he died a part of me did too. He had been everything to me, my hero." She squeezed my hands before continuing. "Just like your mom was to you. Even when I phased and I knew what was going on, what the imprinting meant, I couldn't let it go, couldn't let it drop."

I gasped, I couldn't believe it, Leah was a wolf too? Needing something to do I pick up my glass, drinking it in just a few gulps. I nodded when Leah asked if I was ready for another. I shook off her warning that if it hadn't hit me yet it would. "It's fine, I'm fine." I stubbornly refused to listen to her. "If she went back to him, even after he did that to her, if she could forgive him for that, the imprint so strong, why did she leave?" I could feel the alcohol taking affect, the warm liquid spreading over my body. "I thought nothing could come between an imprinter and an imprintee." I smiled at the words I had just invented.

Leah smiled as she shook her head. "You did, your mother loved you more than anything, more than anyone."

I was in shock, was Leah telling me that I was the reason my parents weren't together? "I don't understand how did I come between them?" I fiddled with my glass, swirling the soft red liquid around.

Leah face was kind, her voice soft. "Before you were born your mom and I had made amends, both of us apologizing, rekindling out friendship. Things were never really fixed between me and your dad, but there was a sort of truce. I finally just accepted that it was beyond all of our control." She shrugged her shoulders, sipping at her glass now. "Your mom loved your father, loved him beyond all reason. She worried about you, wanting you to have as normal of a life as possible." She laughed, "Well as normal as you could within the circumstances. There were a lot of us then, wolves. Our numbers had swelled for a while, the need for protection forcing even some of the younger boys to phase, like Seth and Connor."

"Wait, wait." I was confused again, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe I just wasn't understanding. "They phased before I was born? But they're like my age!"

Leah laughed again, "I told you you might need a drink to hear everything I was going to tell you." She clinked her glass against mine when I raised it, laughing slightly as my eyes started to spin. "When you phase you stop aging, staying at your peak for as long as you shift. When you stop shifting, that's when you age again. For a long time I thought about stopping, wanting to have a family, a life, but after seeing the hurt, the pain that can come with it, seeing what happened to your family I decided that until I was ready, until I was really sure I was ready to quit I wouldn't. I haven't yet." She nodded when asked if we wanted more drinks.

"Within minutes of your birth, your father wrapped you in a blanket, bringing you to the living room, to show you off to the pack. I was still with your mom, still by her side while Rachel continued working on her. Embry saw you, he immediately imprinted on you. We all knew about it, either because we saw it, or later we could all feel it. Your dad took it pretty well, he knew what Embry's intentions were, that he would always be there for you, always protect you. Your mom took it less well, always afraid that it would prevent you from really experiencing life." Leah paused, her bottom lip between her teeth, debating with herself.

"Just go ahead, whatever you're thinking about not telling me, just tell me." I pleaded with her.

Leah took a deep breath, "When your mom met Sam, well right before that, she had been thinking about traveling, maybe going to school, leaving the rez and seeing some of the world, experiencing a little life. When Sam imprinted, because they were tied together she gave that up, gave up that desire for a new dream." I sipped at my glass; I could feel the alcohol taking effect. "She never regretted staying, of being Sam's wife, of having you. Don't think that, but she was sometimes saddened that the choice to stay hadn't really been hers to make. She tried to make the best of it." Leah started laughing again, "You used to ride Embry around like he was your own personal pony. He used to buy you the frilliest dresses, wanting you to be covered head to toe in pink and lace. You much preferred pants and playing in the mud." Her whole face lit up when she was talking. "Even though you were young, too young to understand what the imprint was, what it meant Embry was your best friend. I was there the day Quil brought you home, after Embry hurt you." Leah's voice and eyes dropped. "Your mom was horrified, seeing you crying, bleeding, bitten and scratched. I think for her it was a reminder of what had happened to her. How frail you were next to him, how easily you could be hurt. Emily asked your dad to talk to Embry, as the Alpha to give Embry an injunction leave you alone, at least until you were older. He wouldn't, he said he wouldn't prevent anyone from seeing their imprint. He said he would talk to Embry, but not forbid. Your mom put her foot down, refusing to let Embry near you. She wanted to move, at least for a while, to live with her family north of here, for the three of you to move just temporarily. Your dad wouldn't." I picked up my glass, draining it of all liquid.

"Is that when she left, because my dad wouldn't support her decision, wouldn't side with her over the rest of the pack?"

Leah nodded, "she did what she thought was necessary. She came to me, asking me for advice. It was hard; she was my friend, my family. Sam was my alpha, my leader." Leah rubbed at her forehead. "I helped her, told her where to go for help, introduced her to someone who could get the both of you established somewhere else." Leah's face was resolute. "I gave the two of you a three day head start before Sam found out. He couldn't really kick me out of the pack, even though everyone thought he should. I left shortly after you and your mom, I just needed to get away from everyone, and I knew no one trusted me anymore."

I wasn't sure how to react, what to think of everything she was telling me. I could feel my head swimming, my eyelids getting heavy and my face burning with the effects of alcohol. I reached out, squeezing Leah's hand. "Thank you, for helping my mom, for being on her side." I licked at my lips, aware that they were dry, cracking almost. "What made you decide to help her, to go against Sam?"

Leah shrugged as she gathered her purse, "She would have done the same for me." As she reached down to help me stand, the alcohol making me unsteady on my feet she smiled, asking me if I knew my middle name.

I stopped, trying to think, "No, I just learned since being here that my name was Olivia, I grew up thinking I was Hope, now it's Faith."

Leah stopped at the bar, signing the receipt for our drinks before steering me to the parking lot. "It's Leah, Olivia Leah."

I grinned, tripping across the dirt towards her car. She reached over, slinging me over her shoulder as she laughed at me.

"What the hell are you doing?" The voice was loud, harsh, angry even. I blinking, trying to figure out who was yelling at us.

Leah opened the car door, depositing me on the seat before turning to face an angry Embry who was walking out of the woods in just a pair of shorts. "I was bonding with my niece, answering some of her questions." Leah shut the door, turning her back him as she reached to open her door.

"She's not leaving with you; she's not even old enough to drink." Embry kept walking towards us.

I could hear the eye roll in Leah's voice, "What are you going to do arrest me? Get over yourself Em; give her some time, some space. You know she's fine with me, just let us be, leave us alone." I could hear the anger rising in her voice. She reached in the car, handing me the keys. "Don't go anywhere, but lock the doors." She motioned with her head, she and Embry walking towards the woods, out of hearing from anyone in the lot.

I cracked my window, straining to hear what they were saying. I could barely keep my head upright, I had lost track of the number of drinks I had. I wasn't sure what to think, I could understand why she and my mom had been so close, it was so easy to love Leah, to get along with her. My chin kept creeping down, resting on my chest. I would jerk it up, fighting to have some sort of control. I was in desperate need of a bathroom. I looked around, hoping that Leah would be back soon.

I could hear the sound of what to my ears sounded like dogs fighting. I shuddered, realizing it was the two of them, fighting in their wolf forms. I put my hand on the door handle not sure what to do. When I finally deciding, choosing to go out, to see what was happening, it was too late. I could see her walking out of the woods, she yelled out to me, asking me to bring her the duffle bag from the trunk. I wondered what was going on, but brought it to her, stumbling through the brush as I did.

My mouth fell open, realizing when I got closer to her that she was nude. "What the hell happened? Did Embry do this to you?"

Leah shook her head, pulling a t shirt over her head, stepping into a pair of shorts. "No, I did it to myself, my anger getting the best of me." She motioned to the car, "Come on, I'll explain in the car, but I need to get some food in you, get you in bed." She laughed when I asked if she was ok to drive, she had drunk as much as I did. "Don't worry, part of being a wolf is the ability to burn and metabolize faster than most. Being a toasty one hundred eight degrees means I don't even feel the whisky anymore."

I followed her, grateful when she pulled into a gas station within minutes. I ran, almost knocking over a display of chips, to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror as I washed my hands, my eyes were bloodshot, a mix of the alcohol and grief. My skin was red, my nose raw from being wiped. I looked horrible. I splashed water on my face, trying desperately to form a coherent thought, to remember who I was.

I found Leah at the register, bottles of water, Gatorade, and a few sandwiches in front of her. I added a package of ho-ho's grinning at her.

After making sure I had eaten and had drank at least two of the bottles of water Leah suggested I go to bed. I had tried to argue with her, telling her I was fine, that I could sleep at my hotel that night, but she refused to listen, taking me back to hers. I finally fell asleep, lulled by the sound of her voice as she continued her storytelling. I was surprised when she talked about being a wolf, what it was like. I guess it explained a lot, especially when she described how the pack was linked, how they were able to communicate with each other.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

I woke with a headache, Leah shaking me gently. She handed me aspirin and Gatorade, telling me to take a shower while she got my clothes. I groaned as the water hit, shaking my head when the shame filled realization hit. I was hung over on the day of my parent's funeral. Leah found me in a pile on the floor of the shower, sobbing. She only wrapped her arms around me, telling me that after today things would get better.

I dressed numbly, just going through the motions. It wasn't until I was fastening the skirt that I even realized I was wearing Leah's clothes. I sat silently with Leah on the drive to La Push, pulling up to Sam's empty house.

Leah went to wake Seth; I sat on the back porch. The headache was fading, the desire to be sick lessening. I could see Embry's truck coming up the road. I braced myself for his condemnation, his disapproval.

"How you feeling?"

I sneered, "How do you think I'm feeling?" What kind of question was that, how did he think I would be feeling? In a few hours I would be saying my final good-byes. I bit at my lips, tears slipping down my cheeks. "I don't know how I'm going to make it through the day, if I can do this."

He heard the pain in my voice, the heartbreak I was feeling. He sat next to me, the warmth of his body surrounding mine. "You can, you're strong."

Leah walked out with Seth in tow, she handed me a cup of coffee as Seth handed one to Embry. "Jake wanted me to ask, to talk to you before the service." Seth looked at me, I could see the nervousness. "He was just going to pick, but we all agreed that you should be asked. Do you have a preference, anyone you would like to be the pallbearers or is it alright if the pack does it?"

I looked at Seth, shrugging. "I think the pack is fine, can I just ask one thing, make one request?" I saw the three sets of eyes on me, all of them I'm sure wondering what I wanted. "Just don't let Paul or Jake carry my mom, what they did to her, I can't forgive that." I looked at Seth, Embry, and Leah. "Would you three, would you carry her?" My voice broke.

The three of them nodded, each saying they would consider it an honor. I bent my head down, trying hard to pull myself together. I felt a warm hand on my back, rubbing slightly, comforting.

I looked up, hearing tires crunch on the gravel. I almost smiled hearing Claire and Quils kids scrambling out of the car. I looked up, wiping my tears as I watched their son Thomas toddling towards us. Leah sucked in a breath, rushing over to him as he fell. She scooped him up, wrapping his arms around him before he could even make contact with the ground. She stared at him, a small smile on her lips as her eyes melted into his. I heard the sharp intake of breath from Seth and Embry, the looked that was passed between Claire and Quil. Something was happening, something I couldn't see. I searched their faces, trying to understand. Tommy's older sister, Abby, made her way over, breaking the stares from everyone when she stopped in front of me.

"My mommy says you're sad because you don't have a mommy and daddy anymore. If you want I could share mine with you." The innocence of her statement, the willingness of her charity pushed me over the edge. I could barely whisper thanks, wrapping her in a hug as I sobbed. I didn't want to frighten her, scare her with my grief. I gently passed her off to Embry as I stood. I needed to get a grip on myself before anyone else arrived.

"Mind if I keep you company?" I smiled inwardly, knowing that Embry was going to follow me.

"Free country." I wasn't sure what I felt about him, part of me was still angry that he felt the need to fight with Leah last night, that he positioned himself around me in an almost territorial way. I knew he had imprinted on me, but I still hadn't decided what that meant for me. He was still a stranger, still someone who was capable of hurting me, again.

He chuckled softly, his knuckles brushing mine as he matched my pace. "I think Leah might be moving back, coming home."

I looked at him, "What do you mean, why would she do that? If I was her, after what you all did to her I would never come back her, never trust you guys again."

He blew out a frustrated sigh, "Things aren't always what they seem. There are two sides to every story and you're only hearing one of them. Did she tell you that she helped your mother, helped her take you away?"

I nodded, "Yeah, she did. She also told me how the pack" my words dripped contempt at the words, "how the pack made it so hard for her to be here after that she had no other choice but to leave."

I saw the surprise on his face. "She told you, did she tell you that when Sam started getting sick she refused to help us search for you, that she put herself above her pack?"

I scoffed, rolling my eyes at him. "So you ostracized her, pushed her out of the pack because she helped my mom, helped me. She didn't put herself above the precious pack, she choose to help her family, to keep me and my mom safe from the likes of you." I was angry, the heat of my words creeping up my chest. "No wonder the women leave. Who could stand to be around guys like you?" I turned, whipping my hair around as I spun. I called over my shoulder towards his stunned expression. "Don't follow me." I walked off, trying hard to hold back the tears. I wasn't sure why my conversations with Embry turned into fights. The closer he tried to get to me, the more he tried to help the more I wanted to push him away, the more I wanted to hurt him.

I started walking down a hill, realizing that I was headed towards the Council building. I let myself in. I knelt down, my hands on the edge of my mother's coffin. I had no thoughts, just a desire to be near her. I rested the edge of my head on my hands, wishing for one last conversation, one final 'I love you.' I wasn't sure what I was going to do, how I would recover from this. I wasn't even sure where I would be a week from now. I turned my head, seeing Sam from the corner of my eye. I knew I looked more like my mom, but I wanted to memorize his face. I shifted, trying to remember anything about him. I could feel the tears slipping down my cheeks, dripping onto the floor. I rocked back, my butt on my heels letting the pain of missing them wash over me. In the quiet I could hear birds outside, the sounds of life going on. I gave them both a final kiss good bye. "I love you, both of you. I hope you're together, spending everyday of eternity making each other happy." I made my way to the chairs, sitting, thinking, remembering, and waiting.

The service was beautiful. I didn't know the clergyman, but it was obvious that he had known not only my father, but my mother as well. I sat on the edge of an aisle, allowing only Leah to sit next me. I cried when the service ended, when Jake and Jared presented me with a ceremonial flag, a legacy of my father having been a chief. I rose, first behind my parents as they were wheeled towards the door. It was only then that I was hit by the magnitude of people there. The room was filled, people lined up around the walls, people spilling into the foyer. I was touched that all these people had come; all these people had been touched by my parents. I kept my head down, afraid that I would stumble because I could not see beyond my tears. I stood in silence as I watched Jake, Jared, Paul, and Carlisle who I had heard speak yesterday, lift my father, carrying his body to the cemetery. The process was repeated with Leah, Seth, Embry, and Quil for my mother. Only a few simple words were offered before they were lowered into the ground.

I was the last to leave, unwilling until Embry steered me towards Sam's house, telling me there was nothing I could do, that I needed to leave and allow them to be buried. I was numb, too numb to argue. I stopped at the edge of the small cemetery, "I can't go back there, I can't talk and mingle with all those people, I just can't."

Embry nodded his head, "It's alright, you'll be ok, and I'll be by your side every step of the way. I won't leave."

I swallowed, not sure if I would do it or not. I held on to his arm, wrapping my hand around his forearm. "Ok" I took a deep breath, "I'm ready."

I tried to pay attention, tried to remember who people were, but really I don't remember much. Lots of people stopped to talk to me, to tell me how sorry they were, to offer condolences, stories, little memories of my parents. I smiled at all the right times, said a few word when it was required, but I wasn't really there, wasn't really participating. Thankfully by evening most of the people had left, only pack members and their families remained. At some point a plate of food appeared in my hands, even though I can't remember who put it there. I tried eating at Embry's insistence, but I had no appetite, no desire to eat.

I could feel people joining us in the living room, the mood shifting slightly. Jake stayed standing, it was apparent that this was now a meeting and that he was in charge. "Olivia, I know this is a difficult time for you, but I want you to know that we're all here for you. That you're a member of our family no matter what. If you need anything, anything at all."

I could just stare at him, they were the reason I had no family. They didn't take them away from me, they didn't kill my parents, but what my father was, his wolf-ness, was what pushed them apart. If it hadn't been for the pack none of this would be happening right now. I refused to acknowledge that if not for the wolf curse I wouldn't exist either; I just had so much anger, so much confusion. "I appreciate that, but right now I just need time." I stood, deciding to leave, to go back to the hotel, to decide what I was going to do, where I was going to go.

"Where are you going?" Jake looked at me, his eyebrows pushed together.

I shrugged, "I'm not sure, but I thought maybe I shouldn't be here for this." I waved my arm out, gesturing towards all the pack members present. I was happy to see that Leah was there, perched on a chair next to Seth.

Jake gently shook his head, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. "We're here because of you, to share with you some things you need to know." I sat back down, I didn't understand. I looked at Leah, at Embry. I'm sure they could see the confusion on my face.

"What are you talking about?"

Jake spoke, looking around the room as he did. "Your father never stopped searching for your mother or for you. Embry searched all over, both of them consumed with finding you. I don't know what you were told, what you believe. Sam loved you, would have done anything to have you back. He never stopped believing that one day you and your mom would come back." Jake lifted his arms, throwing them around the room. "He left this for you, everything that he had. He was so sure, so absolutely convinced you would come home." I sat stunned, Sam had left me his house, had left me everything of his? I was speechless.

Seth piped up from the couch, "You're still going to let me stay here, right?" He grinned and I could hear a few laughs. I saw Leah elbow him in his side.

"I know you have a lot to think about, a lot to process, but I think you should stay. I think by staying her you can learn who your father was, learn about your mom too." Jake met my eyes, "Like it or not we're your family. We all love you."

I sucked in a breath, not sure how to respond. "I, I need to think, to. . .I don't know what to say." I really didn't. My voice faltered everyone's eyes on me. "Let me have some time maybe, just let me think."

Jake nodded at me, "that's fair." I saw Jake reach inside his back trouser pocket pulling an envelope out. "He left this with me, asking that when you ever came back to make sure you got it." He walked over, handing me the letter.

I reached out, holding it in my hands. Both my parents had left me letters; I hoped that with their final words to me I would understand. My voice was a whisper, "Thank you."

I could just stare at the letter, wanting to rip it open and devour every word it contained, but afraid at what I might find. "Can I" my voice faltered, "can I talk to you in a day or two? I just really want to be alone right now." I looked at Jake, hoping he understood what I was asking.

"Take as long as you need. I think it might be better, easier for you to stay here rather than going back to Forks. There's a lot you can learn about yourself, about your family here." I knew by his tone he was being kind, not trying to tell me what to do.

I slowly nodded my head, agreeing with him. "Alright, ok." I could only stare at the letter in my hands. I didn't want to read it yet, not in front of anyone. I smiled when I thought of how to end the seriousness that had settled over the room, the evening skies already starting to darken the room. "Is there anything left in the kitchen?"

I looked up, smiling at the faces seated around me. I could see heads nodding as people started to stand, everyone making their way to the kitchen.

I eventually had to house to myself. Seth was running patrol and I had asked Leah to get my stuff from my hotel, giving her the key and asking her to check me out. I convinced her to stay with me, I wasn't sure I wanted to face what I might find in the house alone.

I opened my mother's letter first, tears welling behind my eyes when I saw her tiny scrawl across the paper.

_My dearest Olivia,_

_I'm sorry that it came to this. I know what it means that you're reading this letter. I hope that you're not hurting too much, that the pack, your family, is helping you to cope._

_There was a time that I wanted to tell you everything. I didn't as a way to protect you, to keep you safe. I left because I was scared. I know that you are already braver than I ever was. Your father was everything to me, my entire universe. I gave myself to him completely, never thinking that I needed to keep a piece of myself for me. When the time came to make a choice I was weak. I knew what leaving would do, the pain it would cause both your father and I, even what it would cause Embry. I hoped you were young enough, that since you weren't aware of the imprint that you would be kept safe. As you grew I watched, careful to make sure you weren't affected the same way I was._

_I came to see your father today, as I sit here writing this I know that it's too late for him, too late for me. I can't go on without him and he's too far gone to know that I'm here. You must know that Embry shares the same connection with you, once you embrace it you will be bound to him the same way I am to your father. I don't know if that's a blessing or a curse. Only you can decide that for yourself._

_I wish I was there, that I could explain everything and tell you all of this in person. I hope that you don't think less of me, hate me in anyway for taking you away from this. I'm sure you'll hear many stories about me, many versions of what happened. The truth I'm sure lies somewhere in the middle. Talk to Leah Clearwater, she's your aunt, the woman who I named you for, hoping that you would have the same strength that she possesses. Leah will help you understand what I didn't explain._

_Olivia Leah Uley. Your father and I picked your name, we both believed it to be beautiful, as you are. I hope you choose to use it, if you need help changing it ask Nessie Black, Jake's wife. Her Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper helped me change it when we left, they will be able to help you change it back._

_I love you. You were the most important thing I've ever done. Every day I was proud to be your mom. I can only hope that as you learn about me, about yourself that you can be proud of me._

_I will love you forever,_

_Mom_

I was curled on the corner of the couch, a blanket over me even in the summer. I hugged the letter to my chest, letting the tears fall over me. I tried to picture her writing it, her struggling to put on paper what she knew her last words to me would be. I wish she had said more, had answered more of the questions I had. I ran my fingers of the writing, just barely able to feel the impression the pen made on the paper. I folded it, sliding it back into the envelope that had originally held it. I wiped my tears, breathing deeply I opened the one from Sam.

_Dearest Olivia,_

_I had hoped to tell you these things in person, to finally have you back in my life one day. I'm sure that something must have happened for you to be reading this. I knew one day you would come home, that you and your mother would find your way. I have looked for the both of you since the day you left. When I realized you were gone, that you weren't coming back, that was the worst day of my life. I regretted the decisions that I made, the path I choose that led to your departure._

_I felt I had a responsibility, a duty to lead. It was only after you left that I realized my first duty was to my family, that without you here nothing else mattered. I thought about you every day, wondering what you were doing, where you were living, what you looked like. It took me a long time to stop blaming your mom, to forgive her. I realized there was no one to blame but myself, that I had pushed her away. I will always regret that._

_I'm sure that you know the story of what happened, why your mom left with you. I won't go too deeply into that, the pain is too great. There hasn't been a day that I haven't wished to do it over, to make a different decision. I hope that your mother kept our legends, our traditions alive and passed them on to you. Because you are here you are reading this letter I know at the very least that you met Jacob Black. He's my most trusted friend, the one I have entrusted with my legacy. If you have questions or need anything go to him, he will answer truthfully and tell you anything you need to know._

_I'm not sure what choices you'll have made, how old you'll be when you read this. I wanted you to always have a home, a place to come back to. The deed to my house is in your name, everything I have is now yours. Jacob has copies of anything you might need, including my life insurance. All I ask is if you don't want the life that is offered to you here, if you desire something different that you talk with Embry. Embry was like a son to me, even after you were taken I thought of him as such. Your mom took you so you would have freedom, so you could make your own choices, your own decisions. If you decide to leave please realize what it will mean, what the consequences are. Talk to him; let him know how you are feeling. Even if you leave you will still need each other._

_I would have loved to have been a better father. When you were young I would think about all the things I wanted to teach you, to show you, to do with you. I thought I'd have all the time in world with you. I loved being your daddy more than anything. I used to think about what it would be like when you and your mom came home, how I could show you my favorite fishing holes, take you hiking, and eventually I would walk you down the aisle. I hoped to get to know you, to be a part of your life._

_Whatever you decide, whatever path you take know that I will be with you. I love you more than words; whatever your choice, whatever you decide I know it will be the right one for you._

_I'm sorry that I wasn't there, that I didn't get to know you. I tried to be someone you would be proud of, someone worthy of your love._

_Always,_

_Dad_

I wiped at the tears, trying to wrap my head around his letter. I slipped on my shoes, compelled to leave. I ran to the cemetery, the desire to be near them overwhelming. I hugged the stone they shared, my grief flooding every part of me.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Embry found me in the early morning hours. I was only vaguely aware that he was carrying me, telling me that Leah had called for a search party when she couldn't find me, when I didn't come home. I pressed my face against his chest, the warmness of his body enveloping me. I twisted in his arms pressing my lips to his chest. I could feel him tighten, his grip stiffening. "Olivia, this isn't right, you don't know what you're doing."

I wrapped my free arm around his neck, turning my body towards him more. I looked at him, raising my eyes to meet his in the moonlight. I nodded my head, "Please, take me home with you." I couldn't believe what I was asking, how bold I was being. I could see the struggle on his face, the internal debate he was waging. He took a step, slowing walking again. I pressed my lips against his chest again, taking in the woodsy musk scent of him. I was too distracted by looking at him, at running my fingers all over the exposed parts of his body that I could reach to pay attention to where he was taking me.

I groaned, jumping out of his arms when I saw where he was taking me. I was angry, yelling at him as we stood in Sam's driveway. "Why did you bring me back here? I was throwing myself at you, asking you to take me home with you!" I reached up undoing the buttons of my shirt. "Isn't this what you wanted, what you're destined to get?" I stepped away from him as he took a step towards me, his eyes blazing.

"Stop it! Just stop it! Look at yourself, what you're doing!"

"I'm giving you what you want, what have been our destinies since my birth." My eyes were blazing with the same fury his had.

"Not like this. You're in so much pain right now, so confused I don't think you know what you want. Do you even know who you are?" Embry was trying to calm me down, bringing his voice lower as he spoke.

I wouldn't stop, all the hurt, the anger, the confusion spewing out. "Of course I know who I am! I'm just missing the stamp on my forehead that says property of Embry Call! It's my fate whether I want it or not! What choice do I have, stay here and live or leave and end up like my mom?" I was still yelling, not caring that we were starting to attract an audience. "Tell me that this isn't what you want, that you haven't been thinking about this moment since you first saw me!" I took a step towards him, ripping another button off, throwing it at him.

He didn't move the truth of my words visible on his face. His voice was thick with emotion. "Olivia all I want, all I care about is you. I want you to be happy and I know you're not. It kills me to see you in this kind of pain. I would do anything to make it go away, but you don't know what you're asking, the kind of fire you're playing with."

I took another step towards him, my hands reaching out to him. The anger gone, my voice pleading with him. "Please, just, I need you. I can't keep hurting. I'm in so much pain right now, just help me, hold me."

Embry wrapped his arms around me; I could feel his chin on my head. I wrapped my arms around his waist, tears forming in my eyes and running down his chest. We stood on the road like that, hugging until my tears stopped. I was exhausted, my steps towards the house faltering. Embry held on to me, speaking quickly and quietly to Leah and Seth when we passed them in the living room.

Embry gently pushed open the door of my old bedroom not even bothering to flick on the lights. I turned my back to him, sliding off my shoes and shedding my ripped blouse. I grabbed a t-shirt from a bag Leah had brought up, letting my pants fall after I tugged the shirt over my head. Embry pulled back my blankets, letting me crawl in before he covered me up. I gripped his hand, "Stay."

He shook his head at me, "No, you know it's not right, not like this."

"I know, I didn't mean it like that, just stay with me, don't let me fall asleep alone." I knew I sounded needy but I didn't care. I just couldn't take being alone. I needed to know that someone was there, that I wasn't alone.

He sighed, sitting with his back against my bed, a small laugh when he asked if I wanted a bedtime story. I slept better that night than any night since my mom and I had left Oklahoma. I turned, resting my hand on his shoulder while I slept on my side. I asked him to tell me about himself, what he was like, who he was. I fell asleep when he reached the stories about him as a teen, the trouble he, Jake, and Quil used to find and get into.

When I woke he was gone. I groaned when I remembered my behavior, ashamed of how I had acted. I walked downstairs the lure of coffee leading me to the kitchen. "Where's Seth?" Leah looked over the rim of cup at me, pointing upstairs. I poured a cup before sitting. "So how out of control was I last night? Did the neighbors get a good show?"

Leah hid her grin behind her cup. "Everyone grieves differently; you've been through a lot in a very short amount of time. I think maybe you should try to talk to Embry, but I'm sure he understands. We all know you're in a tremendous amount of pain."

I was so thankful Leah was there, sometimes she reminded me so much of my mom. I dug through the fridge, I wasn't really hungry but I knew I should eat. "Hungry?" I pulled out a couple of containers. Leah and I opened them, after seeing what they were I decided on the stuffed shells. As they heated Leah started on one of the salads, both of us eating when Seth walked in.

"You gonna share?" He grabbed a fork before sitting next to me.

I held the container out to him, letting him stab at the pasta. I ate mechanically, listing to Seth and Leah talk. I was surprised when I heard Leah mention going back to San Diego. I looked at her, paying attention to what she was saying. "It shouldn't take me more than a few days to get everything packed up, a couple of days to drive up here. I think within a week I can be done."

"Wait, what did I miss? You're moving back? When did that happen?" My head moved back and forth between them.

I saw Leah blush slightly, Seth laughing as she struggled for words. "I, well uh, I just think that now is a good time is all, get to know some of the new members of the family, spend some time with you, hang out with the kids, you know, just be home, protect those I love." I felt my brow pull together, what had changed, what made her change her mind.

Seth laughed, "Don't forget you could also spend more time with Tommy too."

I gasped, "Oh my God, you imprinted on him?! But he's just a kid, still a practically a baby!" I was shocked, horrified even. "How could you, that's just, just wrong." I could hear the disgust in my voice.

Leah glared at Seth. "I did, but it's not what you think." Her eyes were searching mine, her voice imploring me to understand. "I just want to be close to him, to help take care of him, protect him. I just want to be in his life. It's part of what being a wolf, a protector is all about. It's what makes us strive to protect our homes, our tribe so much. I didn't understand that before, how you could be so connected to someone. In the instant that I saw him I saw myself, my future, my universe shift to revolve around him. I just want to be close to him." I could see the emotion on her face, her hands reaching out to me.

I shook my head, pushing myself up from the table. "I don't understand, he's a child, you're an adult." I couldn't say it, but this was part of the reason my mom had left with me, to protect me from the very thing that Leah was trying to convince me wasn't an abomination. I walked away, retreating to my room. I could hear Leah and Seth downstairs. I knew Leah had wanted to follow me, to explain more, but Seth had convinced her to give me some time. To allow me process things on my own timetable.

I tried to sort through the few things my mom and I had packed from our home. As I sorted I realized how much we had left behind. I found a bag that contained my mom's clothes. I pulled them out, holding them to my face. I breathed in her scent, trying to pull her closer to me. I missed her so much; every part of me ached for her to be here. I wanted her opinion, I wanted to ask her so many things, I just wanted her. I leaned back, holding her shirt in my hands. I wasn't sure what I was going to do next. I looked around my childhood room. The practical side of me argued to stay there, to stay in La Push. The emotional side of me wanted to run. Everything about being here was an emotional minefield, the more I learned the more I didn't know.

After I had put the last of my stuff away, trading the drawers that still held the clothes of my youth for my current sizes I heard a soft knock at the door. I knew who it was before I opened the door. I sat on my bed, accepted the cup of coffee they held, knowing it was a peace offering of sorts.

"Will you let me explain, I know it's difficult for you." Leah's eyes searched my face. I sat back, nodding as she talked. "First of all I want to be clear, to make sure you understand that it's not a sexual thing, not in any way. I feel the same way towards Tommy that I do towards you or Seth. I just want him to be happy, to be protected. It's just a stronger version of that. Whatever happens later isn't my concern. I know that most imprints, no matter what the ages, end up being a couple, but that's not always the case."

I looked at her, "Really?" I could hear the disbelief in my voice. "Give me one example."

Leah grinned, "You, you and Embry."

I snorted, "That's a bad example. Can you give me an example that doesn't include me?"

Leah could only shake her head. "I know this is a hard subject for you, but you have to understand it comes with being who we are. We can't control it, we can't pick who are imprints are or aren't." I saw the flash of pain; I wondered if she had thought of my father, I know I had. "Trust me if it was up to us, if we could have chosen our partners most of us would have chosen someone else and we would have been wrong. Do you think for one day anyone regrets who they're with? Do you think anyone could have found a better, more loving partner than who they have?" She shook her head, we both knew the answer.

"When are you leaving?" I didn't want to see her go, but I knew the sooner she did the sooner she would be back. I saw the pain on her face, I was horrified, did she think I wanted her to leave? "I didn't mean it like that!" I reached out to her. "I just wanted to know when you'd be back; I want you to stay here." As soon as I said it I knew it was true. "The house is big enough for everyone; you can pick what room you want. I just want you to stay here, to stay with Seth and me." I grinned realizing that I would be living with two werewolves, two members of my family.

Leah face showed her surprise, "Are you sure? You know what you're asking?"

I nodded. "Does that mean yes?" I grinned. Leah reached over; hugging me so tight I had to gasp for air. "Breathing. . I need to breath."

Leah let go, "sorry about that. I'm not sure yet when I'll leave. I need to talk to Jacob first." I saw her biting at her lip, I was sure she had a lot to discuss with Jacob.

"No matter what, even if he's being an ass you can still stay here." I grinned at her. I wasn't entirely sure what to make of Jacob. I knew everyone respected him, even my father, but there was a part of me that was still bitter. I was still pissed that he hadn't stood up and defended my mom. "You can pick what room you want. I planned on cleaning out the room downstairs, maybe turning it into something else. There are still two rooms upstairs you can pick from." I wasn't sure what I was going to do the house. There was gloominess about it. I hoped in the next few weeks I would find the ambition to clean it. I knew no matter what I would at least clean out the room my parents had taken their final breaths in. I couldn't bear to see the door, let alone what was behind it. I couldn't leave it a shrine the way my father had the rest of the house.

I saw Leah swallow, "Thank you." She rose. "Are we ok? You know if you have questions, anything at all you can come to me."

"I know, right now I think I just need a shower. You should talk to Jacob, I'll be alright." I knew I would be.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen - Epilogue

In the weeks that followed things changed. Healing is a slow process, one that takes lots of time. With Leah gone Seth and I attempted to clean the house, sorting through a lifetime of Sam's. Most days I would sit on the floor crying with his memories surrounding me. Embry was there, always picking up the pieces. The more he explained what I was seeing, what I was finding the more my anger went away.

I spent hours with Kim, Claire, Rachel, and assorted members of the pack. The more we packed and sorted the more I felt like I was learning who my father was. I laughed when we found a box of Christmas decorations. I pulled out homemade ornaments, decorated pinecones that were falling apart. I loved listening to everyone reminiscing of times I wasn't sure I remembered.

I saved my parents former bedroom for last. I waited for an evening that I knew both Seth and Leah would be gone. I knew I shouldn't but I grabbed a bottle of wine, I needed the extra courage to face what waited beyond that door. I pushed the button on the knob, the slight ping signaling that it locked. I poured a glass, my eyes taking in the dust layer that had settled over everything. I wondered briefly if Sam had allowed himself in this room even once after my mother left. I surveyed the space, taking note that even a pile of laundry still sat undisturbed. I closed my eyes, the pain he must have felt when we didn't come back hitting me square in the chest. I rocked back, stretching out a hand to brace myself against a dresser. My fingers left prints in the decade's old dust.

I opened a drawer on the dresser finding it full of socks and other assorted undergarments. As I worked my way down pulling open the drawers I found countless pairs of shorts. I grinned to myself as I sipped from the glass wondering if Sam wore anything else. I grabbed a bag from the box I had brought in, filling it with the clothes that he would no longer need. I ran my fingers over the clothes hanging in the closet, curling them around a faded t shirt. I pulled it from the hanger, breathing in, trying to remember what he was like. I could picture him in my mind, the smile of his white teeth in contrast to his dark skin. I tried to tighten the focus of my memory, to clearly see his face. The harder I tried the more he faded away. I folded his shirt gently, laying it aside. Some things were too sentimental, too valuable to give away.

I sat in the edge of the bed, swirling the liquid in my glass before bringing it to my lips. I wondered if I came in here often as a toddler, if I crawled in to bed with them to ward off bad dreams. I pulled back the blankets hoping that being there; being so close to where they had been would spark any kind of recognition. I was disappointed. My eyes wandered, trying hard to force memories that I knew I didn't possess.

I stood in front of my mom dresser, my reflection staring back at me from her mirror. I wondered how often she had stood in that same spot. I open the white jewelry box that sat in the center, my fingers playing along the baubles it contained. I gasped, finding a thin silver band stacked with another that held a glimmer of a diamond. Her wedding set. I couldn't stop myself, slipping both rings on my own finger. I was amazed they fit. I held my hand to the light, just a hint of a sparkle shone as I moved my hand. I twisted the set around my finger, a smile on my lips as I thought about how happy they had once been, how in love. I slid the rings off, putting them back in their blue velvet box. I slid the jewelry box off the dresser, pulling it into my lap as I sank to the floor. I held up each piece. I drank from my glass as I explored. Most of the pieces held no history for me. My finger fumbled to open a white cardboard box, a memory bracelet fell into my hand. I held it before my eyes. I touched every charm, every dangle an important milestone for my mom. I smiled as I saw them all, some were easy to understand. I grazed the diploma hanging, a memento of her graduation. Two rings together, her marriage to my father. I played with a circle, a photo of me and my dad. I grinned upon seeing a cake, a testament no doubt to her baking abilities. I caressed a rattle, smiling as I thought of her adding it when she learned of me. I ran my finger over the jagged edge of a key, I wondered briefly if it unlocked anything before coming to the final charm. This was a charm I couldn't explain, one that made no sense to me. I twisted the bracelet, hoping there would be another clue. I held the charm between my fingers, trying hard to understand the significance of a single drop of water. I pondered the shape, maybe it was a raindrop? It did rain here a lot. Maybe it was a tear drop, something to mark a loss? Maybe it meant nothing, just that my mom liked the water. I shrugged giving up trying to figure it out. I combed the rest of the jewelry, deciding that it too would stay. I clasped my fingers around a shell and turquoise necklace, fastening it around my neck.

I slowly opened her drawer, surprised that they too were still filled. I wondered briefly how that was possible; wouldn't she have packed when she left? I pulled out her clothes, trying to recall her scent as I lifted them. I stacked them with my father's, the pile of bags growing.

I looked out the window, realizing that dark was approaching. I rose, flicking on the light and seeing the dust dancing in the air. I poured another glass from the bottle, the liquid warming me from the inside. I scanned the room again, deciding to change my approach. I threw the comforter over the mattress again, laying my mom jewelry box, Sam's shirt, and a box of photos and papers I had found in the closet on it. I couldn't sort the photos, not yet. I had glanced inside only briefly, my eyes welling with the smiling faces that peered back at me. No, I wasn't ready to sort them yet.

I drained my glass, picking up the bottle again and pouring the little that remained down my throat. I made it to the kitchen, dialing a familiar number. I knew he would be home, already I knew his schedule.

Embry was there in a matter of minutes, I could hear the surprise in his voice when I had invited him over, asking him to bring his truck. He tried to talk me out of it, telling me I would regret it later. I loaded his truck up, empting my parents room of everything it contained, save the items I had tucked away to my room. "You can help or you can watch. Everything is going." I huffed, blowing the hair from my face as I struggled with the mattress on the stairs.

Embry finally gave up, taking it from me and carrying it effortlessly to his pickup. "Why are you doing this? You can't erase them."

"I'm not trying to, I'm not." I repeated as I looked at his eyes, his eyes that were accusing me of lying. "I just can't keep this place a shrine, a tomb. Sam couldn't face it, couldn't move on and look where he ended up. I can't do that too, I can't just curl up and wait to die." I turned on my heel, going back upstairs to carry more stuff.

"Ollie, no one is asking you to make this place a shrine, just give it a little while longer, wait. Once you take this stuff away you'll never get it back. What if you change your mind later, then what?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm not going to change my mind."

Leah and Seth were coming out of the woods, Leah laughing at Seth. I grinned overhearing them, Leah chiding Seth for being slower than she was. Leah gasped when she saw Embry's truck. "What are you doing?"

I rolled my eyes. "What does it look like? I'm cleaning out the house."

Seth stood next to the pickup bed. "Are you sure, are you ready?"

I threw my head back in frustration. "Yes, yes I'm ready. It's been over a month. It's been years since I lived here. I understand that for you guys this house is full of memories. It's not for me, not good ones anyway. I just want to move on, to make the house my own."

Embry agreed with me in front of Seth and Leah, even though I knew that privately he shared their thoughts. The four of us were able to clean out the bedroom in no time. I flopped down on the couch afterwards. "I wish we hadn't had to leave Oklahoma in such a hurry." I looked around. "I would have packed more stuff, brought my books, more of my clothes, and even my mom's favorite chair with us." My eyes surveyed the room, as I looked around; I saw Seth and Embry glance at each other, Leah was adverting her eyes. "What? Another lecture on how I should appreciate what's here?"

"Nope, not from me." Leah stood, stretching and yawning. "Maybe you two should talk. I'm going to go to bed, see ya in the morning."

Seth stood as well. "Yeah, I'm wiped, night."

I turned to Embry who was sitting on the couch next to me. "They're not very subtle are they?"

Embry averted his gaze. "I don't know what you're talking about."

I shook my head, my eyes rolling as I did so. "Just tell me, I thought we both agreed no secrets."

Embry looked down, refusing to meet my gaze. His voice was mumbled. "I have all your stuff from Oklahoma, when I went looking for you and your mom. When I found the house, when you called and I knew you weren't coming back to it I packed everything, moving it here. Everything's been in storage. I just couldn't leave it all behind. I wasn't sure at first if you were going to come home, back to La Push. I couldn't let everything about your life just be thrown away."

I laughed, I couldn't help myself. "Are you serious? You packed my entire house and put it in storage?"

"You're not mad?"

"Maybe a little, mostly it's just a little weird. Where is it? Maybe I should start bringing it over here."

"Right now everything is in Jake's garage. He had the room to store everything. It's a little late to go over now, but if you want we can go over tomorrow, start bringing some of it over here."

That night when I walked Embry to the door was the first night I kissed him. I wasn't sure what was changing between us, but something inside me had shifted. He and I always hugged when we parted, but tonight there was something more. When I pulled back from his hug, when I saw the smooth lines around his lips, the way the corner of his mouth turned up when he smiled, something clicked inside me. I felt warmth, a glow. I brushed my lips over his, shocked at the sensation. I saw the surprise on his face, the question when I didn't pull back. His hands had dropped to my hips when we hugged, now they pulled me closer to him. I lifted my head, presenting my lips to him. His mouth was gentle, soft and inviting. I felt my lips part under his, my breath a quick gasp as I realized what was happening. I felt the warm softness of his tongue gently touching mine. My chest felt warm, the sensation moving slowly downward until I could feel the heat throughout my body. It was a gentle kiss, one filled with a mutual love. Embry was the first to pull away, kissing me gently, quickly on the lips before wishing me sweet dreams. I was still speechless as I watched him cut across the yard before climbing into his truck.

I pushed the door closed, realizing that I was almost lightheaded from the encounter. I grinned to myself before going to bed. I knew a new line had been drawn between Embry and I, I just wasn't sure where it would lead.

I slept fitfully, my dreams haunting me. I woke covered in a cold sweat. I moved my head back and forth, the sunlight just starting to be visible over the horizon. I wiped at my eyes as I walked down the steps, I saw the red light on outside the downstairs bedroom. I started a pot of coffee, hoping Leah would be joining me soon. I grinned to myself, she had been trying to teach me about photography, and since she was freelance she was working from here now. We had converted the downstairs bedroom into her darkroom. She was trying to teach me about contrast, light, and composition. To me photography was mostly just pushing a button, but the more she showed me the better my pictures were becoming.

"You're up early." Leah sat down, filling a cup before she did. "Everything ok?"

I hid my grin behind my mug, "I kissed Embry last night."

I could see the smile on her face, the knowing glance she gave me. "I figured it would just be a matter of time, tell me what happened." She leaned back in the chair.

I fidgeted with my cup, leaning forward to drum my fingers lightly on the table. "I don't know, but when he left last night, it was just like I was seeing him for the first time." I looked up at her. "I mean, like really seeing him." I didn't know how else to explain it, the way it was like up til then my vision had been cloudy and last night it was clear for the first time.

Leah only smiled a knowing smile. "Did it feel like your world had shifted, that everything that you knew was suddenly rearranged and he was at the center of your universe?"

I slowly nodded, that was exactly what it had felt like. "How did you know?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "I've imprinted too, that's what it felt like when I did it. That's what it felt like when Embry did it to you so long ago. That's what it's like for all of us."

I leaned back in my chair, a grin on my lips as I thought about the implications of her words. I knew she was right, that the imprint had taken hold.


End file.
